JustPerfect (Humanstuck GamTav Fanfiction)
by OrokanaDango
Summary: Tavros Nitram meets Gamzee Makara through a Penpal project. Friendship ensues, as well as love. Rated M for language and eventual smut
1. Chapter One: the Penpal Project

_**A/N: This is my first story...**_

_**I hope it goes well, and that you enjoy it n.n**_

_**Leave a review or whatever.**_

**Thank you! :D**

* * *

Be Tavros ==

The new school year brought about a new start for Tavros Nitram. He had finally gained the opportunity to walk after years of being confined into a wheelchair, after being fitted for prosthetic legs. He finally felt happier and more confident than he had in a long while. This would prove to be unusual for the other kids at school; usually not a word was heard from the young man. This, of course, didn't mean he had nothing to say, just that he worried about the effects of his words to a great extent.

The first morning of the new year was exciting for two reasons. Firstly; he was able to get out of bed without the help from his older, more extravagant brother Rufioh, and secondly he would be receiving his first letter from his school-assigned penpal. The penpal project was designed for less-confident students to meet other people from difficult and different backgrounds, and somehow make them make friends.

This year, it was in a partnership with the 'Mental Institute' for Juveniles in the next city over. No one liked to use the word 'Asylum' in today's society, most people thought that it made them sound less threatening, and more approachable. For this reason, a lot more people applied for a penpal, seemingly to delve into the lives of 'The Crazies', whereas Tavros wanted only to gain more confidence by talking to all sorts of people. He had no ulterior motive, only to be nice. That's what Tavros was, 'nice'. It's said that kids who are hard done by, and are seen as 'ugly' by society have the most golden of hearts. Which is what the young man possessed. And he felt that he needed to be nice to whoever the person he would be writing to. After all, who else would be?

Still wobbly on his new legs, the boy struggled down the stairs, clutching onto the banister as he moved slowly, step by step. He was at least going to try and make it to the living room before he collapsed, he decided.

His brother, Rufioh, noticed him from the open door of the parlor where he sat and stood to help.

"Hey, dude, do you-"

"Uh no, no...I'm, uh, fine. I've got to, practice, don't I?" The younger sibling grumbled as he furrowed his eyebrows in concentration.

"You've been, 'practicing' all summer, don't you think that, you've done enough for now?" The older sibling rolled his eyes in disdain, reluctantly keeping himself from helping his little brother.

Tavros reached the end of the stairs and beamed. "It was... easier, this time, I think."

"That's great, kiddo. Are you eating breakfast? Or, will you just leave it?" Rufioh stretched his arms above his head, unrippling the tightened muscles he had received from sleep.

"I'm okay, uh, thank you." Tavros chuckled. "I'll probably eat at school. I would like to, um, get there quite quickly, anyway."

"Hmm?" Rufioh perked up and smirked. "Why so eager, huh?" The man crossed his arms and leaned down until he was nose-to-nose with his younger brother. "Could it be, that you have gained some kind of interest for a girl at school?"

"N-no!" Tavros blushed bright red across his tanned face. It wasn't true-although there was a truly adorable girl he was friends with, he would never think of her as more than that, both because this would complicate things between them, and because she was in love with someone else. There would be no point even considering a relationship with her.

"Hahaha... Okay Tav, I get it, I get it." Rufioh grinned, a glint in his eye revealed he was thinking something very different to what Tavros hoped. The older male, four years the younger's senior, ruffled his younger brother's mohawked hair. "Your hair's, getting long again."

"Yeah I, uh, know." Tavros replied, pulling up his trouser leg to feel the shiny prosthetic attached to him. The foreign body felt cold, a harsh comparison to the knee just above it. He pushed the thought of the unfamiliarity out of his mind and dropped the leg of his jeans back down and looked up.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

The car journey was the same, with only a lack of a wheelchair beside Tavros on the back seat. Conversation was scarce during that time, which was fine for both of the brothers, since Tavros wasn't much of a talker, especially in the morning.

Instead, almost inaudiable music played sullenly on the radio, interrupted occasionally by the dj announcing the next track. Tavros stared vacantly out of the window at the passing cars and blur of the vegetation in rows on either side of the street. He was going to see his friend, Nepeta Leijon, after two months of rehabilitation; it would be the first time he would be able to give her a proper hug. She said she was looking forward to it over pesterchum...

Nepeta was a rather hyperactive girl, to say the least, with no concept of seasons or temperature as she always wore some form of kitten or cat themed hat, and her trademark green jacket. She had an undeniable love for animals, and roleplay games- something the two teenagers had in common.

The vehicle stopped, early as per usual, in front of the highschool building. Kids from the school immediately noticed something different about Tavros when he entered the school- notably, that he had legs.

I...I don't think, I like this very much... Tavros thought to himself as he made his way slowly but cautiously into the school grounds to wait inside the doorway of the highschool for Nepeta.

"Hey Toradumbass! Nice legs." A voice called out from about two meters away. Tavros stiffened and carried on walking.

Go away, go away go-

"Hey!" The awful voice called again, "I'm talking to you!"

Be Gamzee ==

It's curious how writing a letter to someone you have never met can be so difficult. Simply starting the note is almost impossible.

Merely writing "Hi" could be seen as far too personal, however "Hello", "Dear" or "To whom it may concern" sounds far too traditional.

Gamzee Makara, however, was not a traditional, or indeed typical person. Inside the common room of the 'institute' he sat at a well-lit table with his feet up on the surface, staring at the ceiling thoughtfully as he considered what he should write.

The piece of paper lying on the desk was blotted with ink and goodness-knows-what else, crumbled and dog-eared at the corners.

"How am I supposed to start this motherfucker?" The tall, lanky male asked himself softly, touching an index finger onto his lip. He didn't even know if whoever he was writing to was male or female. He reasoned that his answer would be delivered when he finally got around to asking if the letter his mystery penpal had been dropped off at the institute's post office. Or maybe, they'd just get tired of waiting for him to haul his lazy ass up there and deliver it especially to him.

"Yeah...That'd be pretty motherfucking cool..." Gamzee chuckled.

"Makara. Language." A voice warned. The warden of the place Gamzee resided stood beside the table, arms folded, jolding an envelope between the left finger and thumb.

"Heh, no worries, man." Gamzee grinned a sleepy, half-lidded smile. "What the motherfuck have you got in your hand?" The man took in a breath to scold the boy about his use of unsavoury language, but exhaled when he knew it wouldn't be any use.

"A letter," He tossed the envelope onto the desk. "From your penpal. Or, whatever."

"Bitchtits wicked," Gamzee grinned and rubbed his own tangled, black hair. "Thanks."

The warden watched as Gamzee inspected the envelope, and spoke again. "You're coming out soon, aren't you? In about two months?"

"You know it, motherfucker!"

"Well... have you put any thought into where you'll be living? Job?"

"Not really, if I'm honest...I don't really all up and motherfucking think of this sort of stuff...I guess I'll see if Bro wants to talk about it." Gamzee's smile lowered a little, them brightened up again. "Thanks, man! I'll motherfucking speak to you later." he grinned and waved as the warden walked away, probably to settle other things.

Gamzee looked at the letter once again. It was written in a tidy, orange font, cute and neat.

Must be a girl or something.

"tO MY PENPAL- i DON'T KNOW YOUR NAME YET, SORRY }:)

aLTERNIA cITY iNSTITUTE FOR jUVINILES"

Gamzee could imagine she was adorable already, with the cute awkwardness showing through the text. He smiled, biting his lip in thought.

He knew what to write.


	2. Chapter Two: Let's Write A Letter

**A/N: I'm very pleased with the reaction I received from the posting of my first chapter. Thank you very much!**

**In other, totally unrelated news, My Chemical Romance has rose on the Perf-o-meter. Have you listened to their new singles. **

**WOW.**

**Eh-hem. Okay.**

**So I listened to "Boy Division", "The World is Ugly" (I cri evryteim) and "Make Room!" by My Chemical Romance while writing this chapter. So I apologise beforehand if anything strange occurs. Which it inevitably will.**

**Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie (The Hussmeister ok) **

**Original Storyline belongs to me~**

* * *

_Be Gamzee ==_

Gamzee continued to glance at the letter from his mystery penpal every so often as he pondered on the next line of his note.

The letter he had received was sweet, and short but clear. It was written in a rusty orange, and he could clearly see how much his pen pal meant what she (Gamzee reasoned that the mystery pen pal was a girl. After all, what kind of guy could be that cute and friendly?)had written.

It was written in inverted text, and occasionally littered with some sort of smiley emoticon with horns.

"How motherfuckin' adorable..." Gamzee grinned, and he read the letter again.

_'hI, WHOEVER i'M WRITING TO_

_i AM HOPING THAT THIS, IS THE FIRST OF A LOT OF LETTERS THAT WE CAN EXCHANGE_

_aFTER ALL, i THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY COOL IF WE COULD BECOME FRIENDS }:)_

_tHAT IS, OF COURSE, IF YOU WANT TO BE,_

_fRIENDS, THAT IS,_

_uHH, WELL, i THINK i SHOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MYSELF_

_mY NAME, iS tAVROS nITRAM, aND i GO TO THE HIGHSCHOOL IN THE NEXT TOWN OVER._

_i REALLY LIKE TO PLAY fIDUSPAWN WITH MY FRIEND nEPETA AND SOMETIMES WITH MY OTHER FRIEND aRADIA, wHEN SHE ISN'T WITH HER bOYFRIEND,_

_i LIVE WITH MY OLDER BROTHER rUFIO, SINCE MY DAD ISN'T AROUND ANYMORE, AND MOM IS ALWAYS ILL,_

_i DON'T MIND, THOUGH, BECAUSE MY BIG BROTHER LOOKS AFTER ME, AND WE'RE HAPPY }:)_

_sO, i GUESS i WILL JUST WAIT FOR YOUR REPLY,_

_oF COURSE, iF YOU AREN'T ABLE TO REPLY, THAT'S ALSO COOL, i GUESS_

_i HOPE TO, HEAR FROM YOU SOON,_

_tAVROS nITRAM'_

Gamzee smiled his trademark lop-sided smile as he reread the note. The girl didn't sound at all pretentious, as he had expected his pen pal to be. He kind of felt for the chick since she didn't have any parents present in her life, but she appeared to be happy despite her circumstances.

"Tavros Nitram..." He said to himself thoughtfully. He decided that he really liked that name, almost as much as he liked his own. Probably more.

He glanced back down at his sheet of paper and surveyed what he had written.

'hEy, TaVrOs, NaMe'S gAmZeE mAkArA! hOnK :o)

iT's BiTcHtItS wIcKeD tHaT yOu DeCiDeD tO wRiTe To Me, AnD yOuR lEtTeR wAs FuLl oF mOtHeRfUcKiN' mIrAcLeS aS fAr As I'm CoNcErNeD

oF cOuRsE i WoUlD lIkE tO bE yOuR bRo

I tHiNk iT wAs MoThErFuCkInG aWeSoMe ThAt YoU aSkEd! i DoN't HaVe tOo MaNy FrIeNdS fOr SoMe ReAsOn, BuT mY bEsTfRiEnD kArKaT hAs AlWaYs StUcK aRoUnd,

He GeTs AnGrY rEaLlY eAsIlY, wHiCh mAkEs Me LaUgH.

fOr A sMaLl GuY, hE gEtS mOtHerFuCkIn' FuRiOus!

iT's YoUr TuRn To SeNd ThE lEtTeR, rIgHt?

aNyWaY, cAtCh YoU lAtEr,

GaMzEe MaKaRa

HoNk :o)'

Gamzee stared at the page for a while, suddenly feeling self conscious.

"'Catch you later'? What the motherfuck am I all up and saying? That sounds lame." He considered ripping the paper up and starting over, but fought the urge despite how dubious he felt about the contents of the letter, especially the two 'Honk's.

He smiled as he bathed in the nostalgic atmosphere. The honks derived from a religion he came up with when he lost faint in any sort of legitimate deity after the death of his parents. He had an elder brother, but of course he wasn't interested in bringing up a 'crazy kid'. So, in a way, he was alone.

_Mad, and alone..._

Which reminded him... wasn't he supposed to have his medicine right about-

"Medicine, Makara." The impatient voice of a nurse on medicine duty made Gamzee wake from his daydream. He turned to see the woman flouncing off, and a plastic cup filled with colourful pills sitting on the table. He grimaced and necked the pills down as he did many times before, trying to ignore the acidic taste lying in his throat.

"Totally the opposite of miracles..." He muttered, rubbing his throat and making a face of discontent. He looked back at the letter and sighed. It wasn't like Gamzee could do anything to change it now...

He stuffed the letter inside the envelope and got up, swinging his lanky legs off of the table and onto the yellowing tiled floor, and he made his way towards the internal post office to mail his letter (**A/N: What do you guys in America call places where you get postage stamps and mail letters and parcels? Is it called the same or something? I don't know. I'm so uncultured. *sob***)

He grinned to himself, the pills taking effect. "I can't let this girl all up and motherfuckin' bother me, can I?" He said cheerfully. "If she doesn't write back, she just doesn't write back!" He continued, a little louder. He ignored the odd look from the Post Lady as he handed the letter to her and he turned to return to the leisure area to log onto a computer. There was someone he hadn't pestered in a while...

**_terminallyCapricious_ began pestering _carcinoGeneticist_**

TC: HeY bEsTfRiEnD..:o)

CG: WHAT

TC: JuSt WaNtEd To MoThErFuCkIn' Up AnD tAlK tO yOu, KaRbRo

CG: OH FOR THE LOVE OF

CG: ALRIGHT, I'LL GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE FUCKING DOUBT

CG: CAN I HELP YOU, GAMZEE

TC: HeY mAn, We HaVeN't TaLkEd In A wHiLe, I wAs WoRrIeD tHaT yOu AlL uP n' FoRgOt Me

CG: HOW THE HELL COULD I FORGET THE NONSENSICAL HOGWASH THAT SPILLS FROM YOUR MOUTH

TC: HaH, wHaT's ThAt MoThErFuCkEr? :o)

CG: FURTHERMORE, HOW ARE YOU EVEN CONTACTING ME AT THIS POINT, I BLOCKED YOU

TC: YoU'vE gOtTa ChAnGe YoUr MoThErFuCkInG pAsSwOrD tO SoMeThInG oThEr ThAn 'KaRkAt', MaN

TC: HoNk :o)

CG: ...

TC: ...BeStFrIeNd?

CG: OH, FUCK YOU

CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT

TC: I FiNaLlY SeNt tHaT MoThErFuCkInG LeTtEr, KaRbRo

CG: THE PENPAL THING

TC: YeAh :o)

CG: I WOULDN'T EXPECT A REPLY IF I WERE YOU

TC: WhY NoT?

CG: BECAUSE WHOEVER THIS UNFORTUNATE FUCKASS IS WILL NOT BE TOO PLEASED IF THEY SEE YOU'VE WRITTEN A LETTER TO THEM

CG: THE INFURIATING TYPEFACE WILL BE ENOUGH TO PUSH THEM OVER THE BOUNDRIES

TC: CaLm dOwN, kArKrAbBy :o)

CG: SEE, THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. IT GIVES ME A HEADACHE TO READ

CG: AND QUIT FUCKING CALLING ME THAT, IT ISN'T MY NAME

TC: YoUr mOm wOuLd bEg tO DiFfEr...hOnK :o)

CG: THAT WAS ONCE

CG: FUCKING. ONCE

CG: GODAMMIT

CG: DO SOMETHING ELSE OTHER THAN MAKING MY DAY LIKE THE FUCKING PLOT OF DANTE'S INFERNO** (A/N: It's a 14th Century Italian 'Epic Poem' about the 7 circles of Hell (Fun fact: 'Inferno' is Italian for hell). I think you get the idea of what Karkat is trying to say when he's saying that...yeah, that bad.)**

CG: HONESTLY

**_carcinoGeneticist_ ceased pestering_ terminallyCapricious_**

Gamzee chuckled to himself for a while, while staring at his computer screen. Typical Karkat, always being abrupt and trying to use big words in order to make himself sound cannier. He knew, though, it was just his own awkward way of saying to Gamzee that he treasured his friendship.

He thought about the letter again, smiling. If his calculations were correct, the letter would arrive in around two or three days to Tavros.

He couldn't wait.

_Be Tavros (Three days Later) ==_

"Uh..." Tavros gulped and turned slowly, to come face-to-face with the girl who made his childhood and teenage years a living hell- Vriska Serket.

"'Sup, Tavvy. Nice legs. Too bad you're still short, huh?" She smirked, crossing her arms over her waist and tilting her head sideways so her long maroon hair toppled over her shoulder. Tavros didn't deny that he did have a tiny crush on her; but he wouldn't let her know that- that would be far too risky, and he was terrorized enough by her as it was. Behind her stood her disapproving best friend, Kanaya Maryam, rolling her green eyes and 'tsk'ing loudly.

"Um, w-well, actually, If...If I did have real legs, I would still be, uh, this height." Tavros tried to explain through his stammering and awkward pausing,

"Thought so, it would only make sense." She laughed nastily. She took a step closer, so that she was looking directly down at him from her spindly height. "Is it easy to stand on them, then?"

Tavros blinked. "What?"

"Well, is it?" Her tone was demanding, and her eyebrow that lay above her covered eye raised dramatically.

"Um, well, not really, it's actually quite hard." Tavros explained, really not wanting to be there

_Just...do something, and let it be over with..._

Vriska pushed him over so he topped onto the floor, his backpack cushioning his fall.

"Huh? So they don't fall off. See that, Kanaya?" She turned to her friend, who looked at her disapprovingly at her.

"Vriska, I don't think you should be doing that." She looked at her, smoothing down her short blonde hair and looking on with a cool gaze.

"Hmm. You're boring." The tall, thin girl turned back to the small, skinny boy and grinned wolfishly, like she was going in for the slaughter. "We're having a blast, right Tavvy?"

"I-i..." Tavros gulped.

"Vriska, back off!" A voice belonging to a tiny, feline-like girl, who stood in front of him protectively. A far taller, more 'ripped' male with longer, greasy hair and cracked shades stood near her, but far enough away so that he did not get involved in the fight. This person was Equius Zahhak; Nepeta's childhood best friend and her own personal bodyguard. He seemed to regard Tavros with some discontent because of his family situation or something, but was polite enough because of how much Nepeta liked hanging out with him.

"Nepeta, you aren't his mother...Stop babying him, geez." Vriska rolled her eyes, and turned away again, most likely because she had lost interest. "Let's split, Kanaya."

"Fine." Kanaya nodded, crossing her arms. Vriska flounced away and Kanaya turned back to the two standing a little in front of her. "Sorry."

As Kanaya left to follow her friend into the school, and Nepeta helped Tavros up.

"Are you alright?" Nepeta asked him.

"Uh, I guess I am..." Tavros smiled awkwardly. The pair stood in silence before a sudden smile sprung on her face.

"You have legs! You're walking!" Nepeta shrieked happily, bouncing up and down like some sort of excited kitten. "Look Equius, Tavros has legs! This is _paws_itively great!"

"I can see that, Nepeta." Equius glanced briefly at Tavros before fixing his eyes back on her. He, as per usual, didn't seem to have any emotions.

Nepeta turned back to Tavros. "How does it feel? You know, walking?"

"Well, uh, I suppose it's easier now than it was when I first used, the temporary ones, you know, before I, um, got these ones. But, I guess it's still a little difficult."

"I'd _strongly_ recommend not partaking in any strenuous activity or generally_ horsing_ around." Equius interjected.

"Enough with the horse puns! Jeez, you're so weird!" Nepeta giggled, clinging onto Tavros' left arm with her right, and Equius' right arm with her left, and dragged them into the school building before the 'rush' got any thicker than it already had.

It was Study Hall, fifth period when the letter from his pen pal arrived. Tavros had been fidgeting excitedly all morning and during lunch hour. The receptionist placed the letter silently on his desk before giving him a silent smile and exiting. Tavros looked around the study hall, which was quiet, so much so that one could drop a pin and it would echo throughout the room.

He started to tear open the envelope, cringing from the loud ripping from the paper and the acidic glares from the teacher.

He read the letter with a small smile on his face.

"Gamzee Makara...I, hope we do become friends." He said, a little too loudly.

"Shhh!"

"Sorry."

* * *

**A/N: God dammit, Tavvy, Study Hall means be quiet.**


	3. Chapter Three: Realization

**A/N: I'm very glad that people like this fanfic so much! n.n**

**I don't think there's much to say beforehand, so...**

**In the next chapter, Gamzee and Tavros will meet each other for the first time~**

**I have a feeling it will be all cute and bleh.**

**Thank you for your support so far c:**

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Be_ Tavros ==_

"I think I might stop sending my pen pal letters." A tall blonde girl sighed at her desk to her friend during Math. Her friend, a small, ginger lass frowned at her.

"Why?"

"Even though she's _supposed_ to be crazy, she really isn't. And it's _boooring, _you know?" The girl rolled her eyes and leaned back on her chair.

"Yeah, I guess I get what you're saying. A bunch of other people have stopped sending letters, too. I think the only one still sending letters is Nitram." The ginger girl motioned over to Tavros, who looked up when he heard his name.

"Why did you, uh, mention me?" He asked the two girls. He couldn't recall their names, since they did not regularly attend the class. Today must have been a special exception.

"Because you're pretty much the only one whose kept in touch with your pen pal. Are they really that interesting or something?" The girl asked.

Tavros shrugged, smiling slightly. It was true that Gamzee was probably one of the most interesting people he had met, and over the past few weeks he had really gotten to know him. "I guess, although I would have kept in touch with them, regardless. That being said, I really am glad he's as interesting as he is."

Tavros had been talking to Gamzee via letter for the past two months, but had lacked the courage or tenacity to supply him with his chumHandle, although he really did want to. He had discovered that Gamzee had been born into a happy, well-off family, but his happiness was cut short when his parents died in a car crash when he was twelve. He, through no fault of his own (and probably the fault of the crash that he and his brother was also in), had a mental breakdown, and, after unintentionally convincing enough people he was mentally unstable, was sent to the institution as soon as he was deemed fit to come out of hospital. But, he was happy, calmer after being there for six years, and was due to be released soon.

"Soo~..." The blonde girl smirked. "Is he hot?" She twirled her hair, smirking a half moon smile. Ah, Tavros remembered her now. She was the highschool's resident bike, everyone (aside from the nerds, incredibly unattractive, and cripples) had taken 'a ride'. She was always desperate to be fucked by someone.

Tavros blushed. "I-I don't really know..."

The ginger's face lit up. "Woah, Nitram, are you _gay _or something?" Tavros blushed more as his eyes widened. He had always been confused about his sexuality, but he put that to the back of his mind. "Oh my God, he is!"

Before he could defend himself, the math teacher arrived into the classroom and started the lesson.

* * *

'sO IF YOU, uH, wANT TO GET INTO CONTACT WITH ME,

oNLINE, tHAT IS,

mY CHUMhANDLE IS,'

Tavros stopped as he was about the write his chumhandle, frowning a little. Did he really want to do this? He was sat at his desk at home after a difficult Wednesday, with the sunset spilling a warm orange light onto his right side. Rufio was out for the evening, probably with his boyfriend. Tavros still was unsure of who this mystery guy was, but according to Rufio he was a sweet guy, who loved to create beautiful, but useless gadgets. Therefore, until eleven, he was alone with his thoughts. And maybe Aradia, if she were to come online.

Tavros sighed. "Don't be ridiculous, of course you do." He threw his pen down anyway, and logged onto Pesterchum. A blinking icon next to apocalypseArisen, which signified that the person he was hoping to talk to sent him a message.

* * *

**_apocalypseArisen began pestering adiosToreador_**

AA: hello, tavros

AT: oH, hI, aRADIA,

AT: i DIDN'T EXPECT TO, hEAR FROM YOU,

AT: wEREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE, hANGING OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND TODAY, oR SOMETHING?

AA: that was the plan initially

AA: but something came up involving his older brother so he had to cancel our date

AA: which means i am here 0_0

AT: oH, aLRIGHT

AT: wANT TO DO SOME, oNLINE RP-ING?

AA: sure that sounds good 0u0

* * *

After about three hours of roleplaying, the sky had gotten dark and the sunset had been replaced with an inky blue sky and twinkling white stars, and Tavros had become impatient. He started to repeatedly glance at the A4 piece of paper, taking his eyes off of the screen.

AA: tavros

AA: we just died

AA: stop standing there

AA: hello? 0_0

AT: aHH,,! i'M SORRY, aRADIA,

AA: its fine

AA: is there something on your mind

AT: yEAH, i GUESS,

AA: what is it

AT: yOU KNOW THAT PEN PAL PROJECT i SIGNED UP FOR,

AA: yes

AT: wELL, i'M CONSIDERING GIVING MY CHUMHANDLE TO gAMZEE,

AT: bUT i'M TOO NERVOUS,

AA: dont be

AA: if you want to give him your chumhandle then just do it

AA: no regrets that is what i always say

AA: seize the day

AT: yEAH, i GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT,

AA: of course i am

AA: thats what i'm here for

AT: tHANKS, aRADIA,

AA: no worries tav

AT: i'M GOING TO, uH, fINISH THIS LETTER, sO i'M GOING TO GO NOW,

AA: sure thing

AT: gOODNIGHT,

AA: goodnight, tavros

AA: sweet dreams 0u0

_**adiosToreador ceased pestering apocalypseArisen**_

Tavros logged off of PesterChum and looked with determination at the page. He was filled with new-found confidence after talking with Aradia. Of course, that always happened, he supposed that she was just a really good listener and advice giver.

'mY CHUMhANDLE IS ADIOStOREADOR,

sO IF YOU WANT TO, cONTACT ME,

tHAT WOULD BE COOL,

bUT ONLY, iF YOU WANT TO, oF COURSE,

tAVROS }:)'

He signed off the letter and stuffed it into the envelope before he could have second thoughts. Writing thename and address of Gamzee Makara, he placed the enveloped letter carefully on his desk, switched his lamp of and led on his bed silently.

"I think, that I'll send that, when I wake up tomorrow." He mumbled, clutching his old, stuffed white bull plush (Tinkerbull) and smiled, before sleep overcame him.

A few days later on a Saturday, Tavros got a message from someone whose chumHandle he did not recognise.

**_terminallyCapricious began pestering adiosToreador_**

TC: WhAt'S uP, mOtHeRfUcKeR!

TC: ThIs TaVrOs?

AT: uHH, yEAH,

AT: wHO IS THIS?

TC: ThIs Is GaMzEe MoThErFuCkIn' MaKaRa, ReMeMbEr?

TC: YoU gAvE mE yOuR cHuMhAnDlE?

Tavros suddenly smiled brightly. He didn't expect Gamzee to take that much of an interest in him!

AT: yEAH, sORRY, i FORGOT

AT: sO, uHH, hOW ARE YOU?

* * *

_Be Gamzee ==_

Hours passed as the two talked about both nothing and everything for what seemed like hours, and Gamzee felt himself feeling happier and happier as he found out more about the other person.

"Could this be some kind of motherfuckin' crush?" Gamzee asked himself thoughtfully. Of course, he had only known Tavros for little over three months, but the girl (at least, that is what Gamzee assumed Tavros was) had made such an impact on his life during the short time they knew each other.

* * *

AT: hEHE, i'M GLAD i MET YOU, gAMZEE }:)

TC: LiKeWiSe, TaV-sIs :o)

TC: I *rEaLlY* lIkE yOu

AT: uH, tHANKS,

AT: wAIT,

AT: ,,,wHAT?

TC: WhAt ThE mOtHeRfUcK iS iT, tAv?

AT: wELL, uHH, yOU APPEAR TO HAVE CALLED ME, uM, 'sIS',

AT: i'M aFRAID i AM, mALE,

* * *

Gamzee sat in the I.T. suite of the institution and looked at the screen in awe for a short while. He didn't expect this turn of events.

"Does this mean...That I suddenly motherfuckin' dig guys, or something?" His brain tried to figure out how he had missed that Tavros was in fact a guy. He felt humiliated and ignorant. He hated that he had become infatuated with someone without so much as considering their gender.

* * *

AT: ,,,gAMZEE?

TC: HeH, sOrRy, TaV-BrO, i WaS dIsTrAcTeD bY sOmEtHiNg :o)

AT: oH, aLRIGHT, iT'S FINE,

AT: hEH,,, tAV-BRO?

TC: YeAh, It'S a MoThErFuCkIn' NiCkNaMe, YoU dIg?

AT: hEH, yEAH, i UM, lIKE IT }:)

TC: ThAt'S gReAt, BrO

TC: HoNk :o)

* * *

Gamzee found himself smiling a little, despite the shock.

"I guess...it's okay if I all up and like Tav." He grinned and stretched, noticing that the hands on the clock on the wall had shifted to 1:30 A.M. early on a Sunday morning.

* * *

AT: yOU KNOW, i'D REALLY LIKE TO, uM, mEET YOU, pROPERLY, oFFLINE,

TC: WoaH, rEaLlY? :oO

* * *

Gamzee considered it. On the one hand, it could be an awesome opportunity, and the two could wind up being best bros or something. But on the other hand Gamzee's personality and scruffiness could possibly scare Tavros off.

There was really only one way of finding out.

* * *

AT: oF COURSE,,! i COULD VISIT YOU AT THE, uM, iNSTITUTION,

AT: oNLY IF, yOU, uM, wANT ME TO, tHOUGH, oF COURSE,

TC: Of CoUrSe! ThAt WoUlD bE bItChTiTs WiCkEd, BrO! :oD

AT: gREAT,

AT: wHEN WOULD YOU, lIKE ME TO COME?

TC: As SoOn As MoThErFuCkIn' PoSsIbLe, TaV-bRo!

TC: ThErE aRe ViSiTiNg HoUrS oN a SuNdAy

AT: oKAY, hOW DOES, uHH, 12:30 SOUND, tO YOU?

TC: SoUnDs MoThErFuCkIn' AwEsOmE! :o)

AT: oH,

AT: mY BROTHER IS BACK, nOW, sO i HAVE TO GO,

AT: i'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW,

AT: oR LATER, rATHER, hAHA }:)

TC: SwEeT, tAKe It EaSy, BrO :o)

**_adiosToreador ceased pestering terminallyCapricious_**

* * *

The night was sweet for Gamzee Makara. It had been another night without nightmares again, and once again, he drifted through sleep without dreams, unpleasant or otherwise. He awoke at 11, as usual, and yawned a little. The cubicle, about 11 feet by 8 feet, could probably be likened to a jail cell if not for the posters stuck onto the wall, and the desks and most flat surfaces covered in nonsensical gibberish and doodles.

Gamzee opened his drowsy indigo eyes and glanced up irritably at the piercing sunlight invading his room, _his _territory.

"One day, I shall motherfuckin' destroy that bright-ass sun..." He grumbled. He sat up, scratched his tangled black hair and smiled secretly. he couldn't wait to tell Karkat that he was hanging out with Tav-bro today!

Granted, he may scold Gamzee for being so ignorant, but nevertheless he would undoubtedly be happy for Gamzee, in his own..._unique_ way.

* * *

**_terminallyCapricious began pestering carcinoGeneticist_**

TC: BeStFrIeNd...:o)

CG: YOU BOTHERED ME LITERALLY 12 HOURS AGO

CG: WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT NOW?

TC: I'm MeEtInG tAv ToDaY

CG: JESUS CHRIST

CG: YOU HAVEN'T SCARED THE POOR FUCKING GIRL OFF, YET

CG: INCREDIBLE

TC: AbOuT tHaT

TC: TuRnS oUt, TaVrOs Is AcTuAlLy A gUy

CG: ...

CG: ...

TC: WhAt?

CG: SERIOUSLY

TC: YeS

CG: WELL

CG: I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING

CG: HE SOUNDS A LOT LIKE A GIRL

TC: So YoU cAn SeE wHy I gOt So MoThErFuCkIn' CoNfUsEd?

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: I GUESS

CG: WHATEVER

CG: DOES THIS MEAN YOU TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT LIKING HIM SO MUCH

TC: NaH mAn

TC: LiKiNg A gUy Is CoOl

TC: It'S nOt AbOuT wHeThEr ThEy'Re A cHiCk Or A dUdE

TC: YoU mOtHeRfUcKiN' gEt Me? :o)

CG: ...WHATEVER

CG: I'VE GOT TO GO

CG: MOM WANTS ME TO DO SOMETHING

CG: HAVE FUN WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND

CG: OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE IS TO YOU

TC: TaKe It EaSy, BeStFrIeNd

TC: HoNk :o)

**_carcinoGeneticist ceased pestering terminallyCapricious_**

* * *

**A/N: It seems that I have inadvertently made Karkles a mama's boy...**


	4. Chapter Four: A Warm Embrace

**Fourth chapter already!?**

**Thank you for the continued support, guys.**

**Finally, the chapter that Gamzee and Tavros meet!**

**A little bit of adorableness and what-not!**

**Enjoy~**

* * *

_Be Tavros==_

Tavros had somehow convinced his brother to drive him to The Institution later that day. he decided to style his dark brown faux hawk that day. he wore a blue t-shirt and a dark, unbuttoned shirt with black loose jeans and sneakers. He sat in the front of the strangely silent car (Rufioh was nursing the 'Mother of all Hangovers') and stared out of the window at the passing bottle-green foliage with disinterest.

"So," Rufioh finally broke the peaceful silence. "This guy."

"I-it's not what you think!" Tavros stammered, blushing up to his ears.

"If it wasn't." Rufioh pulled up at an intersection and looked at his younger brother smugly. "You wouldn't be blushing."

He reached over and ruffled the boy's hair and grinned. "No worries, little man. It's not like _I'm _in any position to judge."

"You're over thinking things. I'm not gay." Tavros said gruffly, and he turned to look back out of the window. He covered his burning cheeks with his hands as the light went green, and the car sped off.

* * *

"I'm not sure if I want to, go through with this, actually, Rufioh." Tavros mumbled as they pulled up to the nice, if rather clinical-looking whitish building.

"Aw, come on, don't be like that!" Rufioh grinned. "You never know, he could be a totally awesome dude. I mean, you _do _think a lot of him, and considering the fact that you dolled yourself up, it would seem like a waste."

Tavros grumbled but agreed. "Yeah. I guess you're right."

"Do you want me to come in with you?" The older brother asked.

"Um, no." The younger replied. "I'm fine." And he smiled a reassuring smile to quell his brother's worry.

"If you say so, Tav." Rufioh's smile wavered, concerned. He opened the car door and helped tavros to slowly stand up on his fake legs.

"I'll see you in about two hours. Alright?" His brother ruffled his hair again and got back into the car, and drove away, leaving Tavros standing alone outside the slowly opening gates.

"Two hours..."

* * *

_Be Gamzee ==_

**_He isn't coming..._**

**__**_Shut up._

Gamzee sat at a computer desk, facing the screenholding his head in his hands

**_He isn't motherfuckin' coming..._**

**__**_Shut up!_

Gamzee felt useless and angry; He had convinced himself that Tavros wasn't actually coming, and that he had just lied, to spare his feelings.

He had even made an effort (well, he had raked a brush through his knotty hair and put on a clean shirt, if that counts) to look his best for his Tavbro.

_My Tavbro..._

Gamzee smiled a little, savouring the thought. What would happen if he did have Tavros to call him own?

**_Stupid... you don't even know what the little motherfucker looks like._**

**__**_Be motherfuckin' quiet._

Nevertheless, they could have so much fun together, they could go on dates, and hang out, and drink the 'wicked elixir' and hug, and kiss, and maybe have sloppy make outs...and maybe...

A tap on the shoulder interrupted his lewd thoughts. "Uh, excuse me but...are you...Gamzee?" A small, quiet and shy voice asked him.

"Not now, motherfucker, I'm thinking..." He flapped his hand at the stranger.

"I thought that...it was...heh...I'm Tavros Nitram." The voice laughed nervously, and Gamzee sat around quickly. Before him stood a small (about 5"6 to his 6") Latino boy, with a dark brown faux hawk, and golden brown eyes with long brown eyelashes. His honey coloured skin was slightly blushed with nervousness as he introduced himself.

"O-oh...Well, hey Tavbro!" Gamzee grinned his trademark smile and stood up, towering over Tavros.

"Hi..." Tavros smiled back.

_Motherfuckin' adorable..._

"It's motherfuckin' bitchtits that we can finally hang out, right?" Gamzee continued to smile. Tavros laughed and relaxed his shoulders a bit.

"Y-yeah...bitchtits indeed..." Tavros giggled. The two sat at a table and Gamzee looked at Tavros, smiling.

"W-what?" Tavros asked nervously, his blush spreading adorably.

"I wanna hear about you. Tell me about yourself, Tavbro."

"But...you already know a lot about me."

"I want to hear it again. I like your voice, motherfucker." Gamzee grinned, almost coyly.

His face turned an almost inhuman shade of red. "R-really?"

"Really. It's full of miracles, Tavbro." Gamzee confirmed, meaning every word.

Tavros proceeded to talk about himself again, and Gamzee listened closely, laughing a little and adding in a _'bitchtits'_ or _'motherfuckin' miracles'_ every so often.

* * *

"I'll be motherfuckin' honest with you, Tavbro." Gamzee began, as they chatted and smiled like old friends.

"Uh...why?" He replied, confused. "What's wrong?"

Gamzee closed his mouth, unsure of whether to continue.

"Gamzee?" Tav prompted.

"Um..." Gamzee grinned a little, shyly, uncharacteristically. "I_ really_ like you."

Tavros beamed. "Thanks, Gamzee! I like you too!"

_No... you don't get it._

_I really like you,_

_I really do..._

Gamzee leant over the table.

"I-"

"Tav?" A voice asked. Tavros turned and beamed as he stood up and ran to a pretty girl with raven black hair, red lips, and a calm demeanour.

"Aradia! Uh, hi!" He embraced the girl and Gamzee felt his heart sink.

_Is that his girlfriend?_

"Hello. What are you doing here?" She asked, looking towards Gamzee with a delicately raised eyebrow.

"I'm visiting my friend. Gamzee, I told you about him." Tavros turned to him also and beamed, motioning him over. Gamzee walked over and stood beside Tavros, towering above them.

"Oh, so you're Gamzee?" Aradia smiled kindly. "I have heard a lot about you."

"Really? Motherfuckin' bitchtits. What's your name, sis?" Gamzee tried to hide his hurt regarding Tavros' potential lack of availability.

"My name is Aradia Megido. I'm Tavros' friend."

_Friend? Just friend?_

**_That's right, nobody wants you, you piece of shit._**

**__**Gamzee ignored the voice that had tortured his slowly sobering brain, and made a mental note to take his pills later.

"What are you, doing here?" Tavros asked.

"I'm here with Sollux, we're picking up his brother's medication. Speaking of which," Aradia looked behind her shoulder. "Where is Sollux?"

"AD, I've got the medication. Letth' go." A boy, slightly taller than Aradia, but still shorter than Gamzee, walked up, blinking his bi-coloured eyes boredly. He looked at Tavros and gave a small nod.

"Thup, TV." He said, making Gamzee grin inwardly at the awkward lisp.

"Hi, Sollux." Sollux curled his hand into Aradia's and looked silently at Gamzee, before turning and exiting out of the door, Aradia calling a "Goodbye, Tav! See you on pesterChum!"

"Uh, bye!" Tavros waved and turned back to Gamzee. "What were you going to tell me?" Gamzee simply brought him into a warm embrace, resting his head on the top of the smaller male's head.

_Tavbro, you smell so motherfuckin' good..._

"G-g-g..." Tavros could barely form the word out of sheer surprise. Maybe he wan't used to being touched. "G-gamzee..." Tavros gulped a little, shakily. "What are, you doing?"

Gamzee chuckled. "It's a hug. You're my motherfuckin' bro, right? Bros give each other hugs."

"Oh..." Tavros mumbled, and Gamzee felt two thin arms snake around his waist. He grinned even more.

"Well well well, What is it we have here?" A bemused, slightly coy voice remarked. Tavros twisted out of his grasp and grumbled a bit.

A man, whom Gamzee guessed was Tavros' brother, by the way his brown eyes shined brightly, and the way his tanned spanish skin was complimented by his inky black hair (which was dyed with bright, bloody red).

"Rufioh...Why didn't you call?" Tavros frowned, breaking from Gamzee's warm embrace. Rufioh grinned a little and walked up to Gamzee, looking him up and down.

"So, you're Makara, huh?" Rufioh asked as he scratched his chin. Gamzee felt himself becoming more and more uncomfortable with the stare.

"Yeah, Gamzee Makara. You must be Tavbro's brother, right?" Gamzee asked, grinning to hide his discomfort.

Rufoh stepped back, smirking and satisfied. "That's me. I went to school with your older brother Kurloz, you know."

Gamzee's eyes lit up. "You did? How the fuck is my big bro, huh?" Gamzee smiled, happy.

"Uh..." Rufioh's smile faltered a bit. "We, uh, stopped talking."

_Stopped? But, Kurloz never stopped talking._

"Oh..." Gamzee's smile dropped also, just as Rufioh's picked up again.

"Tav, go to the car, okay?" Rufioh turned to Tavros, who looked at him in mild confusion.

"Uh, why?"

"Just go, I wanna talk to your 'friend'." Rufioh replied, and Tavros nodded reluctantly.

"Um...bye, Gamzee. I'll speak to you later." Gamzee smiled and nodded, trying to decide whether or not another hug was within Tavros' comfort zone. To his surprise, the smaller boy pulled towards him and hugged his waist tightly.

"See you..." Tavros ducked away and out of the room, looking down to hide the obvious red blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Later, Tavbro." Gamzee waved at the smaller boy, and diverted his attention back at the boy's older brother. The man was only slightly shorter than Gamzee, which made him pretty tall.

"So." The man started, directing the taller to a pair of seats facing each other. He sat, cross legged, and arms crossed on his chest. Kind of like a Native American. "You and my brother."

Gamzee's heart stopped. "What about Tavbro and me?"

"You like him, don't you."

_Oh shit_

"Yeah, uh..." Gamzee felt uncomfortable again. Damn, what was this guy doing to make him feel so uneasy? "He's a wicked bro."

"No, you _like _like him." Rufioh started to smirk.

_You're fucking enjoying this, aren't you, motherfucker?_

**_You should punch his motherfuckin' face. That'll teach him a lesson!_**

**__**_Go away..._

"What do...you mean, motherfucker?" Gamzee grinned, annoyed.

Rufioh sighed. "I get it, my brother is cute. _Doll_ cute. I can see why you would like him so much."

Gamzee sighed, defeated. "Fine, you win." He held up his hands in defeat and laughed again. "I do."

Rufioh grinned. "Knew it. It's so obvious, but my kid brother is so dense, he doesn't notice your obvious pick ups."

"How would you..?"

"Tavros has less privacy than he thinks." Rufioh smirked. "The point is, I like you, kid."

"Thanks."

"And I think he likes you too."

Gamzee smiled more than he thought was humanly possible.

"He does!?"

"Yeah. I can tell. He just doesn't know it yet." Rufioh stood again and smiled. "Good luck." Gamzee stood up too, and walked with the older man to the doors.

"Thank you."

"You have my blessing, kiddo." The older man ruffled the younger's black hair and grinned. "Catch you around." And he left.

Gamzee could do nothing but smile to himself and he logged onto a computer immediately and began to pester Karkat.

_**terminallyCapricious began pestering carcinoGeneticist**_

_****_TC: He LiKeS mE

TC: AnD i HuGgEd HiM

TC: He'S sO mOtHeRfUcKiN' cUtE aNd WaRm

TC: I tHiNk I'm In LoVe :o)

CG: ...

CG: YOU DO KNOW THAT I DON'T CARE RIGHT?

TC: HeH, yEaH BeStFrIeNd, I kNoW :o)

CG: ...CONGRATULATIONS

CG: I WISH YOU THE BEST

_**carcinoGeneticist ceased pestering terminallyCapricious**_

_****__Love._

_I'm in motherfuckin' love._

* * *

A/N: Dawh.


	5. Chapter Five: Accident

**A/N: Fifth Chapter!**

**I am so sorry for the lateness! I've been pretty ill as of late...**

**How I've managed to get this far, I shall never know.**

**Thank you for all of your support!**

**I wrote this whilst listening to Area 11's 'All The Lights In The Sky', specifically 'Euphemia' and 'Vectors' ********(made famous for being the Yogscast outro)** .

**I highly recommend them. They are perfect. I need to buy the album methinks.**

**ALSO, I'm putting a Rufioh p.o.v. in this! I love him to bits, he's so cool xD**

**Oh, Mr. Rufioh! *swoooon***

**Also in Rufioh and Horuss' chat on pesterChum, I'm removing the prefix Horuss uses. It makes me feel uncomfortable ;-;**

**That's all!**

* * *

Be_ Tavros ==_

_**Dreaming sequence**_

One step...

Two steps...

Three.

_Where am I?_ Tavros thought sleepily as he walked further and further into the dark abyss. It scared him, of course, but since there were no imposing threats, he continued on. He was younger, he noticed, and his legs were normal. They always were in dreams.

"_Tavros_!" A voice called. He turned to see who was calling him.

"_Dad_?" Tavros beamed. "Dad!" He ran towards the man, who beamed. Suddenly, the sound of wheels screeching and people screaming was heard, and Tavros could see nothing but a bright light.

"_Tavros_!" His father screamed, reaching towards him. Tavros outstretched his arm desperately, before feeling a searing pain.

Then,

Darkness.

The dream wasn't over yet.

Tavros opened his eyes and he was pinned up against a wall by someone, his face was hot and his heart was pumping. The figure holding him down was tall and attractive. They looked at Tavros with an alluring gaze.

"_Having fun, motherfucker_?" That someone smirked, their indigo eyes gleaming with carnal desire.

"_Gamzee-ee~_!" Tavros was cut off as Gamzee leant close to his jawline and started to suck at his neck, working on what would probably become a painful hickey, and a reminder of a moment of passion.

"_Is there a problem, Tavbro_?" Gamzee breathed close to the boy's ear, sending shivers of pleasure down his spine.

"_I-_" Tavros was cut short as Gamzee leant to kiss him on the lips, pushing his tongue into the other's mouth and probing through it, fighting with the other's flicking tongue.

_Oh my God I'm kissing Gamzee and I can't move and-_

_What is he doing!?_

Gamzee, who had by then removed his tongue from Tavros' mouth, grazed his palm over the tenting in Tavros' jeans.

"_A little excited, huh?_" Gamzee growled seductively, brushing his lips across the smaller boy's jawline. Tavros' breathing hitched, inhaling quickly. "I'ma make sure you enjoy this, Tav..."

A hand quickly and deftly started to unbuckle his belt.

"_Gamzee_..." Tavros choked as the taller squeezed the developing bulge that was forming. "_Ga-_!"

* * *

"_-mzee_!" Tavros flew up to a sitting position in his bed; panting and sweating. He looked around at his alarm clock.

_'05:22 A.M_.'

Tavros groaned- He had been getting dreams about his father for as long as he could remember, yet he couldn't understand why a dream of Gamzee, about something to do with _that _had suddenly appeared.

He switched on the light and yawned. There was really no point in going to sleep now. He looked down to push the duvet off of himself, and froze.

"No..."

The sheets were sticky.

_Oh for God's sake._

He got out of bed and gasped slightly in pain as the prosthetics gave away to the sudden action. He stood properly and hastily pulled off the duvet cover, bundling it in his arms. Now he just had to get to the kitchen and put the cover in the washing machine without Rufioh finding out. Which, if Rufioh's hearing was as it always was, would be a near impossible feat.

He slowly opened his door with an almost inaudible creak and glanced down the dark hallway; it hadn't yet become light, and Tavros slowly advanced out of his room, shuffling with difficulty and slight pain to the stairs.

_The stairs... _He cursed mentally as he took one unsure, uneasy step onto the stair.

_So far, so goo-_

It made an unearthly creaking noise, and Tavros bit his lip anxiously as he turned his head and peered down the quiet hallway.

So far, so good.

He made it down the rest of the stairs and walked on the cold floorboards to the kitchen. He closed the door behind him to allow himself more time to put the cover in the machine, and he turned it on.

"Good..." He smiled in relief as the duvet cover started to spin in a mindless rhythm and he straightened up.

Turning, he walked to the door, twisting the handle and pulling. Tavros came face to face with the bare chest of his older brother.

"Bit early to be doing laundry, huh?" A coy, patronizing voice rung directly in front of him. He looked up, to see his brother's sleepy face and dishevelled hair.

"Erm...Yes, but, I like doing laundry...Early..."

"Is that so?" Rufioh grinned condescendingly and he leant over to make his face level with that of his younger brother's. "Well, why was it specifically your duvet only?"

Tavros felt his face grow red. He couldn't possibly tell his brother why he was washing it in the first place...

"I...uh..."

"Hey, Buddy. Can I ask you something?" Rufioh scratched the back of his neck and yawned.

"I...guess so?" Tavros replied.

"Do you...have any 'special feelings' for Gamzee?"

_S-special..?_

"N-not that I know of, no..." Tavros stammered, trying to push the thought of the dream out of his head.

"Because, if you do, that's totally cool! He's a cool guy, he'll treat you well." Rufioh placed his hand on the smaller's shoulder reassuringly.

"I don't...have any feelings for him, romantic or otherwise. He's a friend, that's all!" Tavros stepped away from Rufioh's hand. "I'm...going to go upstairs."

"Oh...okay, kiddo." Rufioh looked at Tavros as he pushed past him and made his way up the stairs.

_Be Rufioh ==_

You are Rufioh Nitram. And you're a pretty chill dude.

Well, most of the time.

Recently, you've been worried about your little brother, Tavros.

He's been...distracted.

And you fear that it's because of a certain 'Makara'.

Not that it's a bad thing, but...

You watched as Tavros pushed past you and walked up the stairs.

You wanted to help him, but...

_The kid's so independent._

You sighed a little and stretched. You knew _exactly _why he was washing his duvet. You went through the same thing.

"No use going to sleep." You sighed. You walked back upstairs and into your room, and pulled open your drawer, proceeding to pull out a pair of trousers that had so many rips, they hardly deserved to be called trousers. You sat at your desk and turned on your laptop, logging onto pesterchum.

One name stood out among the rest.

"Up early as usual..."

**_RUFIOH began pestering HORUSS_**

RUFIOH: hey hot stuff };)

HORUSS: Good morning, would it be e%tremely rude as to enquire why are you up so early?

RUFIOH: 1 th1nk tav had a l1ttle acc1dent

HORUSS: An "accident"? What are you referring to?

RUFIOH: yeah, an 'acc1dent'

RUFIOH: 'that' k1nd of acc1dent

HORUSS: Oh, I see

HORUSS: Is this regarding the younger Makara?

RUFIOH: 1 th1nk so

RUFIOH: 1'm just a l1ttle worr1ed about what th1s could turn 1nto

HORUSS: I'm sure that there will be no problem. After all, I am fairly certain that your younger brother will not HORSE around at any point.

RUGIOH: 1 guess so

HORUSS: Do not feel so bl00, it makes me ine%plicably sad.

RUFIOH: 1 wont dont worry

RUFIOH: ...

RUFIOH: horuss?

HORUSS: afdfuipbre

RUFIOH: you fell asleep on your keyboard aga1n d1dnt you

RUFIOH: 1ll speak to you later

**_RUFIOH ceased pestering HORUSS_**

_Be Tavros ==_

It is difficult to concentrate on anything if something is on your mind.

In Tavros' case, it was Gamzee who was on his.

He sat at the table where he had lunch and twirled the spaghetti he neglected to eat thoughtfully as Nepeta chattered on and on about a recent roleplaying session she had with Aradia.

"...And then, I pounced on the bad guy, and then he died, and then we both went up a level! It was pawsitively awesome!" She threw her arms into the air to emphasize how amazing what she was talking about was.

"Cool..."

"And when we went to the castle, and-" Nepeta stopped to look carefully at Tavros. "_Tavrrr_os? Are you feeling okay?"

"Huh..?" Tavros mumbled unattentively. Nepeta tapped him on the head with a spoon irritably. "Ouch! What?"

"You seem a little off. Are you sick?"

"No..."

"Is _Vurrr_iska being mean to you? Would you like me to 'talk' to her?" Nepeta mimed air quotes when she said the words 'talk'. This would most likely result in some sort of 'cat fight'. **(A/N: I'm terrible.)**

"No, it's not that at all! D-don't worry, please." Tavros stammered, waving his hands slightly. Equius watched silently, hiding a small smirk at the ridiculousness of the situation. He had already discovered from his elder brother what had happened to Tavros that morning.

"Nepeta, I would _STRONGLY_ suggest that you cease pestering Nitram, perhaps he is just extremely tired." He interrupted Nepeta's angry squeals calmly.

"Don't be a butt, Equius! I'm planning a _purr_fect revenge tactic!"

Tavros was already back to daydreaming by then.

_What if... that really did happen? Would that really be, so bad?_

Tavros felt his cheeks grow hot and a curious feeling pool in his abdomen.

_No, no, no! Gamzee is my friend! Nothing more!_

However, Tavros could not help the subconscious desire for his best friend, lingering in the back of his mind.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the awful chapter! I wanted to finish it quickly so I could start on the next chapter...**

**Next one will be better, promise!**


	6. Chapter Six: Perfect

**A/N: **

**ghefioshnyetj I said erection in this chapter.**

**I hope you enjoy this long-awaited chapter, as much as I enjoyed writing it, even if I did feel a little silly.**

* * *

_Be Gamzee ==_

"This is my last week here, Tavbro." The tall boy beamed at his friend. Tavros looked up and gave Gamzee one of his rare, full, adorable smiles.

"That's, uh, great, Gamzee!" He beamed, biting his lip in a way that made gamzee have to stifle shivers running down his spine.

"True that, Tavbro! They set me up my own motherfuckin' place, too! A sweet little apartment somewhere in your town. I've seen pictures, it's the motherfuckin' bitchtits!"

"That's awesome...I guess that means, that we can hang out more often, right?" Tavros looked towards Gamzee and widened his eyes hopefully.

"Of course, Tavbro." Gamzee replied, giving his trademark goofy grin. "But, I doubt your other friends will want to all up and hang out with me."

"Huh?" Tavros looked confused. "Why wouldn't they?"

The older of two picked at his chewed nails. "'Cause I'm crazy, right?"

"Y-you're not!" Tavros gripped to Gamzee's arm. He hated it more than anything when Gamzee said things like that. Gamzee could tell he saw good in everyone.

"Yeah I am, motherfucker."

"W-well, to me, you are...just perfect." The younger boy grinned a little, his eyes creasing.

_Wh...what?_

Gamzee's heart almost thumped through his chest. It was like it wanted to burst out and claim his companion for itself.

_Me? Perfect?_

Gamzee stopped smiling abruptly, face down, lips sealed.

_This can't be real..._

"Gamzee? Are you, alright?" The younger boy asked, lowering his head to gaze into Gamzee's eyes. Gamzee, looked up, smiling softly. It was uncharacteristic, to say the least, that he wasn't beaming like a loon for once in his life.

"Yeah, bro. Just fine." Although that was a lie. He had never wanted to kiss another human being more in his entire lifetime.

He couldn't, however. Gamzee knew that Tavros only meant that as a friend, and if he risked doing something as risky as placing his lips on his friend's, he could risk their friendship. And if Tavros wasn't around, why should he bother living?

"Hmm..." Tavros didn't believe him; Gamzee could tell, but he didn't press on the matter. "Anyway, did you want help with, your apartment?"

"Huh?"

"Did you, uh, want help moving furniture around?"

"Oh." Gamzee nodded. "Yeah, that would be motherfuckin' bitchtits, Tavbro. But, I can do the lifting myself, you can just all up and keep me company."

"Great!" The mohawked boy grinned and giggled as Gamzee ruffled his hair fondly.

"Visiting hours are over." A tinny voice called over the intercom.

"Ah. I'll see you next week, Gamzee." Tavros stood up, with Gamzee following suit.

"Next week?" Gamzee frowned. What was happening next week?

"Yeah. I just thought that, uh, you'd need picking up? To take to your new place? I mean, it's not like you have anyone that will, pick you up...Do you?"

"Uh...nah. I'm sure I can get there okay, bro." Gamzee cocked his head to the side and smiled at the adorable boy.

"N-no! I insist! That way, I can see your new place! I-if you...want me to, that is." Tavros grinned nervously and rubbed his arm, looking to his side. Gamzee grinned widely.

"That would be motherfuckin' awesome, Tav."

* * *

The day came when Gamzee was to be let out of the institute.

Imagine, the shackles keeping him locked up were finally being unlocked. He could do anything he wanted! He could get a job, he could buy new strings for his guitar, he could even spend time with his best bro, Karkat!

**_But, you're not free, are you, Gamzee?_ **The voice in his head teased. _**You're still a prisoner, you've still gotta take those pills...**_

_Yeah, to keep you locked away!_

**_But, how long will that last, kiddo? A week? A month? What if you forget? What if there's no one to remind you to take them? What then? I'll be allowed to take control._**

_Yeah fucking right, like I'll let that happen. _

Gamzee shut the door to his room and took down the posters on his wall, frowning at the difference in colour of the wall in comparison to behind the poster.

"Has it really been that long?"

"I guess it has." The warden's voice replied behind him. Gamzee turned and smiled. The man leant agaist the doorframe and crossed his arms, silently surveying the young man.

"Hey, man."

"Hi. It's gonna be a lot quieter without you making a fuss all the goddamn time."

"Heh, ain't no motherfuckin' problem, I'll still all up and be coming in to collect my pills and medication."

"Yes, I know. I didn't say I was sad, did I?" The warden sighed. Gamzee mock offence and laughed.

"Rude! But, anyway, I'll miss you, man. Out of all of them here, you're the coolest motherfucker here."

"Thanks, I guess?" Gamzee thought he saw the glimpse of a smile, but before he could double-check, the warden's face was as miserable as it had always been.

"How can I help you, anyhow?" Gamzee asked as he packed clothes carelessly into a large suitcase, and carefully laid the posters on top, zipping it up without much difficulty.

"Your ride's here. The little latino kid is waiting in reception."

"He is? Great!" The younger picked up his guitar case and grinned down at the older gentleman as he stared disapprovingly at him. "See ya, motherfucker!"

Gamzee slid past him and walked down the corridor with his cases, feeling freer the further he walked.

_This is gonna be great!_

"Tavbro!" Gamzee ran towards the small figure standing at the entrance, waving.

"Gamz'!" Tavros beamed, waving in return. "Are you excited?"

"Fuck yeah!" He swung an arm around Tavros' shoulders imprudently and grinned. "So where's the ride, bro?" He looked around as if the car would drive through a wall.

"Uh, my brother's outside, in the car." Tavros directed his gaze to Gamzee's case. "Did you...want any help with that?"

"Nah bro, I'm just peachy." Gamzee smiled widely at him and pulled Tavros towards the exit.

_Freedom._

* * *

"I'll be back at about nine. If you're not finished I'll bring Tav back tomorrow, alright?" Rufioh leaned out on the window of the car at looked the two teens up and down. "Don't hurt yourself." With that, he wheeled up the window and drove down the street, leaving a cloud of dust flying up from the road. Tavros looked up at Gamzee and frowned.

"Um..."

"Yeah?"

"Where is the furniture?"

"Oh!" Gamzee turned swiftly, entering the building with his case and Tavros in tow. "Yeah, the guys at the institute told me they sent the motherfuckin' boxes to one a' the neighbours. Next door, I think."

"Oh, okay." Tavros nodded. The two walked to the elevator, pressed the button and waited. After a moment of silence, Gamzee glanced to his friend and blinked as his dark blue eyes met the other's brown ones.

"W-what?" Gamzee grinned, feeling his cheeks burn. Tavros bit his chapped bottom lip and reached his calloused hand to the taller's face. As he made contact, the elevator made a shrill 'ping!' and Tavros' hand darted back. The doors opened and an old woman with her dog smiled at the two, wishing them a good afternoon, and stepped out, to presumably walk her dog.

"O-oh...The elevator!" Tavros rushed, stepping in the constricted space.

Gamzee followed, confused, and slightly disappointed.

_What was he going to do?_

As the two stood in the elevator and the doors slid closed, he stayed silent, hoping the other would break the tension.  
Gamzee looked at his companion's boyish face, and considered what would happen if he went ahead and pressed him up against the wall and ravaged him there and then.

Maybe he could press the 'emergency stop' button and give him more time...  
It would get him into trouble with the owner of the building, but...fuck it... It's not like he hadn't been patient.  
He imagined what the other would taste like; judging by how the boy smelled when Gamzee dared to nuzzle his fluffy hair during their more intimate 'bro hugs', it would be of rich, bitter chocolate and intense espresso... It captured him perfectly. He imagined that Tavros' lips, although rough, would be keen and needy, fluttering under his.  
If he dared to stray from the younger's lips, what kind of colour would Tavros turn if he tried to nip and suck at his jaw, or even at his neck?

_How easily does this motherfucker bruise?_ Gamzee thought to himself, beginning to feel aware of the warm sensation forming in his stomach, as Tavros stared into space.

He considered what would happen if he went further; if he ripped the clothes off of a gasping and mewling Tavros, if he traced his pale, slender fingers inside the tanned thigh, gracing over his companion's...

_Oh._

He imagined the groans the younger would make.  
He imagined Tavros screaming out his name.

_Fuck..._

Gamzee bit his lip to avoid groaning himself, pausing as his fingertips glided over the waistband of his pants and he looked at Tavros.  
Tavros, in his own world, hummed ardently and stared with half-lidded eyes at the slowly increasing number of floors.  
Gamzee glanced down at the erection faintly developing in his jeans.  
He cursed mentally and tugged at his hoodie, stroking the alive organ through the pockets, while looking as natural and nonchalant as was humanly possible in this situation.

_I'll have'ta take care of this later._

_Be Tavros ==_

The younger boy felt a hot gaze on his neck as he stood in the elevator, and found it incredible how he did not squirm and blush like a virgin being taken by their lover for the first time...

...

Why the hell did he use that simile? He could have used a far better description.  
He was becoming more embarrassed the further he dwelled on the subject; it did not help remotely that he had not yet forgotten that humiliatingly incredible dream.  
Again, he blushed and ignored the itching desire to stroke himself through his jeans.

The elevator 'PING'ed and the doors rolled open with a squeal, earning him a wince.  
He looked to Gamzee, who had his hands pressed tightly into his pockets, and a slight blush rolled over his paled cheeks.  
Tavros thought it was rather cute.

The two made their way out of the elevator and down the hallway, taking note of the slightly peeling beige wallpaper and faded red carpets.

Tavros finally broke the silence. "What...uh...what number is your, apartment?" He asked, directing a gaze at Gamzee.

"Uh." The other uttered bluntly, pulling one of his hands out of his hoodie's pockets and fishing though the back pocket of his pants for a surprisingly well-kept piece of paper. He studied the scrawl on it, grinning. "413, Tavbro. The motherfucker with my stuff is on my..." He trailed off his sentence and glanced at the paper again. "...414...On my right." He grinned triumphantly, before fishing the keys out of his front pocket with the other hand inside the hoodie.

"Oh, uh... Cool! That's great, Gamz." Tavros chucked, grinning inwardly at the silly nickname.

"Love those cute-ass motherfucking sounds you be all up and making, Tavbro." Gamzee beamed, ruffling the boy's hair before he took off down the corridor. Tavros paused and frowned as he recollected what Gamzee had just said.

Cute-ass...Cute...

If Rufioh knew he was getting all hot under the collar over a few harmless, friendly words, he'd never let him hear the end of it.  
Tavros sighed and started to move as Gamzee's calls for "Tavbro, my motherfucker, get over here, bro!" echoed down the hallway. His legs, or what was left of them, ached at the knees. He wasn't used to wearing these things, and he doubted he ever would be. But, for now, he knew that he had bigger things to worry about. Namely; sorting out Gamzee's apartment.

* * *

**A/N: gheruahaphjtrujhr**


	7. Chapter Seven: Disappointment

**A/N: Writing chapters at the speed of light!**

**I've got an app on my phone that I use so I can write them when I'm offline**

**I'm not really sure what to say about this chapter? Other than, we meet a new character who appears to have an interest in Tav.**

**It's sub-par at best.**

**Gomen...**

* * *

_Be Tavros ==_

Gamzee rapped his knuckles on the door and waited, glancing back at Tavros and grinning before looking back.

"Alright, alright!" A fairly young male's Texan drawl called, frustrated and thick from lethargy. "Who the fuck knocks on a guy's door at stupid o'clock in the morning, really?"  
Tavros smirked. Never one to sleep past nine, he had bore the brunt of both Nepeta and Aradia's sleepy fists when he forced them to get up on more than one occasion. The door rattled as it was unlocked and it creaked open. There in the doorway stood a tanned male of about eighteen with almost white blonde hair and eyes obstructed by black aviator shades. He wore a white short sleeved t-shirt and red pyjama pants, and was barefoot. He ran a hand through his mussed up hair and leaned against the doorframe. "Sup." He nodded.

"What's up, motherfucker?" Gamzee grinned, shifting his guitar case slightly on his back.

"Can I help you?" The boy glanced at Tavros and grinned briefly, before turning back to stare at Gamzee.

"You were given my shit to look after while I was moving?" Gamzee raised an eyebrow quizzically. The guy stared at him for a moment before nodding and standing properly.

"Yeah. Hold on a second...actually no come in." He stepped aside, glancing at Tavros as the two passed by him.

Tavros frowned. This was making him feel slightly uncomfortable, the excessive staring. He stepped on something plushy as he walked into the room and he jumped and made an odd, gasping sound, only just managing not to fall over.  
He glanced down and saw the body of an awful, plush toy-come puppet. Tavros resisted the urge to kick the disgusting thing away.

"Careful of the...uh...puppets. They're not mine, by the way." He seemed pretty adamant that they were in fact not his toys.

"Then whose are they?" Gamzee replied, interest piqued. Tavros noticed that bright colours, soft fabric and googly eyes, as well as sparkly things always caught Gamzee's attention.  
He guessed that the puppets had three of these four things he had developed an interest for.

"My brother's. Don't get me wrong, they're totally cool...but, they're his, not mine." The guy scratched his neck and inhaled through his nose sharply, before pointing to a stack of four boxes piled up by the door. "There's your stuff, dude. It was pretty fucking heavy, actually. You got bricks in there or what?"

Gamzee chuckled. "Nah Bro, just books n' clothes and shit." He leant down to secure a grip on one of the boxes, and Tavros moved to help. Gamzee stood and frowned. "Hey, don't worry about it Tavbro, I said that I'd do it, okay?"

"Oh...uh, okay." Tavros nodded reluctantly, crossing his arms. He was surprisingly strong due to living over half of his life in a wheelchair, and under his clothes his arms and stomach were toned and dark with tan. Gamzee lifted the box and stared at Tavros, smirking before letting the two know he'd be 'back in a motherfucking second', before absconding next door.

"So what's the deal with you guys, huh?" The man grinned and crossed his tanned arms, cocking an eyebrow.

"Huh?" Tavros brushed strand of hair out of his eyes and looked at the blonde individual.

"I mean, are you together? I'm not judging or anything, but, is this a 'first apartment together' sort of deal?"

If Tavros was drinking something at that moment, he would have spat out the liquid in shock.

_Together? Where did he get that idea from?_

"W-what?" Tavros stammered. "It's, uhh, not like that..."

"Not like what, Tavbro?" Gamzee stepped into the room and snaked an arm around Tavros' shoulders.  
Normally the gesture wouldn't bother him, but at that moment be felt himself tense up. Gamzee must have noticed too because the gesture became loose, before his arm dropped back to his side. "What's wrong?"

"Uhm."

"I was wondering; Are you two dating? You're pretty touchy-feely with him and you keep giving him 'looks'. It's like sexual tension city all up in here." The guy commented, an eyebrow raising again.

"I don't think that-"

"Yes." Gamzee interjected, his mouth a straight line. Tavros froze. He glanced up at Gamzee's glare. "Yes we are."

_Gamzee!?_

The Texan's face momentarily dropped in disappointment before he unfolded his arms and pushed his shades up his nose. "Oh. Cool. So do you want any help or what?"

"It's cool, I can shift the motherfuckers myself, but thanks..."

"Dave...Strider. Dave Strider." The male, Dave, finished. "You are..?"

"Gamzee Makara. And this is Tavbr-...Tavros Nitram." He wound a gentle arm around the smaller's waist. "I guess you could all up and motherfucking say he's my boyfriend."  
Tavros felt his cheeks grow hot and turn a million shades of red and he looked down.

_You have, a lot of explaining to do, Makara!_

"Sure, okay." Dave shrugged, unfolding his arms. The furrowed brows suggested that he didn't quite believe Gamzee.

_And rightly so,_ Tavros thought.

"Well. As fun as this has been, I intend to sleep until one. So, unless you want to watch me sleep..."

"That won't, uhh, be necessary! We'll take the boxes and go. Thank you!" Tavros pulled up a box and quickly carried it out of the room. Gamzee followed, two boxes stacked on top of eachother.

He set them down and closed the door behind, hearing a muffled "Later".

Tavros folded his arms and did his best to act annoyed, even though in the back of his mind he was secretly thrilled that Gamzee had announced that they were dating...

_We are not dating!_ Tavros corrected his brain sharply.

"What's up, Tavbro?" Gamzee rested his head on the top of Tavros' and his arms around his shoulders, chuckling in his throat. Tavros jumped and twisted his head, making Gamzee step away from behind him.

"Y-you...uh, said that we were...that I was your, uhh, boyfriend..?" Tavros stammered and stalled more than he normally did, blushing to his ears.

Gamzee grinned and ruffled his friend's hair. "Nah man. That was to...get him offa' your scent."

"My scent?"

"Yeah bro. Did you see him all up and checking you out? Motherfucker wanted himself a bit of the Nitram. So I covered for you. You're welcome." Gamzee grinned, although Tavros thought he could see the flicker of guilt in the other's eyes. It sounded like Gamzee wasn't telling the whole truth, but he said nothing anyway.

"Thank you, Gamzee, I guess." He nodded and looked at the door. "Will you open it?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, right." Gamzee grinned and unlocked the door to his new apartment.

* * *

As they walked in, the mustiness of the room hit them almost instantly. It turned out that the furniture was pretty much left in a good place by the previous owner, and although the room was tidy and generally quite clean, the settled dust flew up as the door was thrown open and the two entered. Tavros coughed and made a bee-line to the window, pushing it open and hanging his head out of it, sighing.  
He noticed that the frost hanging in the December air was starting to settle on the ground four floors below him. It was 23 days until Christmas, and already people were hanging up decorations and rushing to buy presents.  
Tavros was actually considering inviting Gamzee to spend Christmas with them- Something to which Rufioh was surprisingly pretty happy about. He pulled his head back into the room, mentally cursing himself when he realized the temperature of the room had dropped by about 10 degrees.

The room itself was painted grey and a covered couch sat in the middle of the room, in front of a bookcase and beside a cabinet. Tavros noticed that a t.v. had once been in the room, judging by the fact that there were still spark cables hanging out of the wall. To the left there was the small kitchen unit with a table and two chairs and two the right there was a bathroom, and a room that the two agreed must be a bedroom, despite the fact that there was in fact no bed, or a mattress for that matter, in the room. Only a drawer and a wardrobe stood in the room.

"What will you do about the bed?" Tavros asked, nudging a box with his foot.

"I can just sleep on the couch until I talk to the institution about it. No motherfucking biggie, bro." He shrugged and smiled.

"Still..." Tavros grumbled, borderline whiny, before he looked up again. "Did you still want help putting things away?"

"Tavbro I told you I'd do it. Don't worry your pretty little motherfucking head about it, 'kay?" Gamzee made a poor attempt at scowling at Tavros, mostly due to the fact that he was still grinning amicably.

Tavros chuckled and uncovered the couch, coughing as another cloud of dust flew into his face.

"Tavbro?" Gamzee frowned, reaching him and carefully brushing the dust from his face, holding his cheek in place with his other hand and pressing his upper abdomen against Tavros' chest.  
Tavros noticed the closeness, but neglected to care, there were bigger issues at hand.

"Ouch... It's in my eye..." Tavros mumbled.

"Here, let me have a look, Tavbro." Gamzee leaned in so that their faces were about two inches apart and he looked into the other's eyes.

Tavros felt himself growing red. If he just went on his tip toes, they'd be kissing...

_Kissing Gamzee..._

"Better..?" Gamzee murmured. All Tavros could do, however, was stare at his mouth.

_No! God damn it, Tavros!_

_Although..._

Tavros, reached to place a hand over his much taller companion's cheek, his eyelids lowering slightly. In response his friend's hand brushed through the fluffy hair at the back of his head, with the other gliding down Tavros' chest, and deep in his throat he made a throaty groaning which sounded quite unlike him.

_I don't even like boys what am I-_

A knock at the door startled and surprised the both of them, separating them and allowing them to stand in their respective spots in the room. Tavros proceeded to turn the darkest shade of red.

"Uh, y-yeah? Who is it?" Gamzee raked a hand through his hair and made his way to the door.

"It's Dave from next door. You forgot a box." Muffled speech from the other side announced.

"Oh, yeah, sure. Okay cool, bro." Gamzee shot a brief gaze at the smaller male slowly sitting down on the couch before he opened the door to Dave.

Dave nodded a greeting, now dressed in a long sleeved black and white polo, black jeans and red converse. His hair was immaculate and his shades were still perched on the bridge of his freckled nose. He handed Gamzee a box with "COMICS/BOOKS" scrawled on it with magic marker. Retracting his hands, he peeked over Gamzee's shoulder to give Tavros a piercing stare.

"Is there a problem? The kid looks like he's a goddamn rabbit caught in the headlights."

"We're motherfucking peachy. Right, Tavbro?" Gamzee chuckled, without looking at the younger. Tavros nodded briskly.

"U-uhh...yeah! Totally fine. It's cool. You might say that we are indeed, peachy...heheh..." Tavros grinned nervously at the blonde.

"Really now? Anyway. I also came around to invite you and Tavros around for a Christmas party. I thought that getting to know the other people in the building and make a bunch of friends might be fun for you. I don't know." Dave shrugged dismissively.

Gamzee looked once again at Tavros before shrugging. "If it's okay with Tav, it's motherfucking okay with me."

"Uhh." Tavros stood and walked to stand behind Gamzee, grinning unsurely at Dave. "It should be okay..."

"Sweet. I'll let Dirk know. See you whenever, you guys." He turned and left, leaving Gamzee to close the door and turn to look at a still blushing Tavros.

"U-uhh..." Tavros began. He wanted to tell him that he didn't know what came over him, and how these feelings were wrong and unnecessary and temporary and-

"Hey, Tavbro, I was gonna ring for a pizza. You cool with that?" Gamzee grinned, apparently forgetting what had happened only five minutes prior.

Tavros felt himself exhale with relief, but also felt slightly... Disappointed?

"Sure. Pizza could, be good." He smiled, masking poorly the disappointment in his eyes.

* * *

**A/N: Aw.**


	8. Chapter Eight: Keep It Platonic

**A/N: RIGHT OK**

**THIS IS THE FIRST REMOTELY NSFW THING I'VE POSTED I GUESS.**

**It's mostly at the end.**

**It made me so flustered when I wrote this you don't even know ;w;**

**I consulted by smut-reading expert of a friend on this one (don't tell her I called her that) so I hope it's fine.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

It was the day before the Christmas holidays and Tavros was busy removing books and coats from his locker. He had last seen Gamzee two days ago, with him leaving to "Gonna get me a job after Christmas, Tavbro, s'gonna be bitchtits, let me tell ya' that."

Tavros smiled wistfully. It was almost like Gamzee had forgotten all about their awkward encounter a week and a half ago.  
"Tavrros~, are you almost finished? I'm getting pawfully bored..." Nepeta leant against the locker, arms folded. She was almost smothered in the soft blue cloth of her winter coat, and her fluffy hood was pulled up, flopping over her eyes so that she had to keep pushing it up with her mittened hands.

"Almost. Where's Equius?" Tavros asked, pulling the green hood of his coat onto his head and zipped it up.

"He's at his locker. That stupid butt is taking furevurr~! So I came to see you."  
As if on cue, the hulk of a 17 year old strode towards the two with his hands in his pockets. It seemed incredible that Tavros could still see the sweat on his brow, despite it being the middle of December, and he didn't have a jacket on.

"I have finished removing things from my locker." He announced, wiping the Egyptian skin of his brow. "When do you suppose we leave, Nepeta?"

Nepeta shrugged, clinging onto his arm and beaming. "I dunno, is Tavrros ready?"

"Almost..." Tavros repeated, slamming his locker shut and turning to face them. "But, you can go on without me."

"Suit yourself. Have a pawesome holiday, Tavrros~!" Nepeta waved at Tavros and scampered off, Equius accompanying her. He waved awkwardly at Tavros before they left the school, leaving Tavros alone.

He hitched his bag back on his shoulder and made his way home, his brow knitted in worry over Gamzee.

* * *

_Gamzee ==_

**terminallyCapricious began pestering carcinoGeneticist**

TC: BeStFrIeNd I hAvE a MoThErFuCkInG pRoBlEm

CG: FINE. WHAT IS IT?

TC: I cAn'T sTaNd It KaRbRo

TC: I wAnT tO fUcK hIm

CG: I

CG: WHAT?

TC: YoU hEaRd MoThErFuCkEr

TC: AlL oF tHiS sExUaL tEnSiOn MaN iT's DrIvInG mE cRaZy

TC: I iMaGiNeD dOiNg HiM lAsT nIgHt

CG: TOO MUCH INFORMATION GAMZEE

CG: OKAY I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU LIKED HIM BUT I THOUGHT THIS WAS STRICTLY INNOCENT

TC: HeHe, WeLl ApPaReNtLy NoT mOtHeRfUcKeR ;o)

CG: AND WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?

TC: I dOn'T kNoW... mAyBe yOu CaN cOmE aNd HaNg OuT aRoUnD mY pLaCe AnD wE cAn HaVe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg FeElInGs JaM

CG: MUST I?

TC: WeLl, No PrEsSuRe, BuT

CG: FINE.

TC: BiTcHtItS, kArBrO :o)

CG: WHAT'S THE ADDRESS? I'LL DRIVE OVER.

Gamzee typed the address down and pressed enter, tapping his nails onto the laptop mousepad. He had since gotten a bed (as well as a coffee table for the living room) and was buried underneath the covers. He had realized why, when he looked at the rent for the apartment, it was so cheap. There was no heating of any kind, and Gamzee was "Freezing his motherfucking balls off".

CG: OKAY, THAT'S NOT TOO FAR FROM WHERE MY HOUSE IS. I'LL BE OVER IN TEN.

TC: LaTeR

**carcinoGeneticist ceased pestering terminallyCapricious**

Gamzee shivered and tugged his sleeves down again. He stood and shuffled to the living room in the hopes of generating at least a tiny amount of heat energy in the process, all the while hugging himself. "Son of a bitch..." He hissed through chattering teeth.

He sat on his couch and led down, staring at the ceiling. Tavros had mentioned that he would come over today after school, right?  
It was safe to say that he was looking forward to seeing him.

A week or so ago they had come so close to kissing.

_So. Fucking. Close..._

He could still faintly feel Tavros' heart pumping wildly against his body. He had been nervous. But... Tavros initiated it. He was the one who put a hand to Gamzee's face and made the hairs down his neck stand up on end.  
And he was the one who made that godforsaken sound.  
Gamzee's breathing hitched at the thought of it.  
His fingers traced the elastic of his boxers warily before he drew his hand away.

_No_, he thought,_ Karkat is on his way. If he all up and motherfucking catches me doing this sort of shit he'll rage at me for the rest of my life, most likely._

He instead chose to rest his head on his arms, and hum some kind of nonsensical tune as he waited for his best bro to arrive.

Within around eight minutes, a knock was head at the door, followed by a "Let me in, asshole!".

_Karkat._

It had been a while since Gamzee had last seen him. It must have been about a year at least. With Karkat's studies at community college and Gamzee's... Issues, there was hardly any time to hang out. Gamzee jumped up and pulled the door open.

"Karbro!" He almost cheered, bringing his best friend into a tight embrace.  
Karkat Vantas was short, considerably so compared to most 18 year olds, and his dark ash brown hair and weird, reddish eyes made him look like an incredibly angry pixie. In which Gamzee would waste no time in reminding him.

"Gamzee get the fuck off of me you idiot!" Karkat barked, pushing the taller away. Gamzee chuckled.

"You ain't changed, bro." He stepped aside to let his short friend through. He mused that he might even be shorter than Tavros. Or at least, it'd be a tie.

"You have." Karkat pulled off his thick grey coat and woolen hat, revealing his scrawny frame. "You're a lot calmer. Just as fucking stupid though."

Gamzee grinned, disregarding the second comment and he shut the door. "Yeah motherfucker, it's the medication. Keeps me sweet. You dig?"

Karkat sighed, mumbling about regretting his decision to take his coat off. "So. This Tavros business."

Gamzee plopped down on the couch, leaning his head over the back of it. "I don't know, man. What do I do?"

Karkat dragged a chair over from the kitchen unit and sat on it.

_In that weird ass way he always sits. Like a motherfucking father figure or some shit._

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know, man. It's like; All of these miracles piled up one by one but with no way of getting to them. You know?" Gamzee looked up and frowned, pitiful.

"No, I don't. The only way you're going to know if feelings are mutual is if you make yourself more obvious. That way, he has to be a dense fuck to not realize it. But... Try to keep it at least a little platonic."

"Ugh..." He rolled his head back again, slapping his hand to cover his eyes. "Is this just a motherfucking way of showing I need to get rid of pent up emotions or is this like, legitimate, Karkat-"

The door knocked again, not impatiently like Karkat.

_I wonder if this is Tavbro_?

"Gamzee?" Tavros' voice sounded on the reverse side of the door.

"Tavbro!" Gamzee pulled up from the couch, filled with mirth and opened the door.

"Hey, Gamzee!" Tavros beamed, cold breath still whisping from his mouth from outside like smoke. He looked past Gamzee's shoulder at Karkat. "And, uhh, hi.."

Gamzee moved aside to let the cold boy in. "Oh, him? That's my best bro, Karkat. He came over to have a feelings jam about...something..."

"I assume you're Tavros." Karkat leant on the back of the chair and stared at him with piercing red eyes, as Tavros looked at him with chocolate coloured ones.

"Uhh...yeah I am. Did, Gamzee mention me?"

"No, he didn't mention 'his Tavbro' at all. This is literally the first time he's _ever_ mentioned you, ever." He added air quotes where appropriate.

"O-oh...uhh, okay?" Tavros turned to Gamzee. "I was, going to make tea. Did you two, want some?"

"That sounds great, Tav." Gamzee chuckled, ruffling his hair fondly, lingering in the strands of soft brown locks. Karkat grimaced slightly, scowling as he stood. The chair made a loud scraping as he moved it, making the two turn to him.

"This is more than I can bear. I'm leaving, 'Rezi wants me to dress the Christmas tree with her. That should be fun." He paused to put his coat and hat on. "Happy holidays, Tavros."

"Oh, uh, Merry Christmas Karkat."

"Later, bro." Gamzee pulled his best friend into an embrace. "Nice seeing what little there is of you."  
He mentally high-fived himself for remembering to make a short joke before Karkat left.

"Shut the fuck up." Karkat growled, but he returned the hug nevertheless. "I'll speak to you later."

As Karkat left, Gamzee sat back down and looked at Tavros as he busied himself in the kitchen, the strange aching sensation in his chest returning, as it had been doing more recently. He put it down to heartburn, however, and he ignored it.

"Uh, here. Tea for you." Tavros handed Gamzee a mug with a whimsical cartoon cat printed on the front. "It isn't too strong, is it?"

Gamzee sipped the tea, cursing when it burned his tongue. "Nah motherfucker. A bit hot though."

"Sorry..!" Tavros chuckled, curling up beside Gamzee with a cup of his own. The two sat in silence, sipping tea and appreciating the warmth the hot drink brought.  
Eventually Gamzee spoke up, the silence killing him.

"It's the Christmas party tomorrow, right? I saw Strider all up and getting some fancy-ass food delivered. Not even take out, Tavbro! Motherfucking incredible, amiright." Gamzee spoke more to himself than Tavros; his knowledge of the outside world was still oh-so childlike. The way he reacted when shows that he loved had been cancelled three years ago, or how appalled he was when he found out wheelie shoes weren't cool any more.

"Yeah... Did you, uhh, still want to go? Of course, if you didn't mind keeping up the 'boyfriend' act." Tavros blushed a little at the idea.

"It might be fun. Besides," Gamzee wound an arm around the other and winked. "I wanna show the world my bitch."

Tavros giggled and played along. "Bitch? Please, I think that I'm, more than just a, bitch. I'm the best you'll ever get, babe."

_Oh sweet Lord._

Gamzee was so close to just ravaging the poor unsuspecting boy.

_No. Not yet._

He removed his arm and chuckled. "Don't I know it?"

"Hey Gamzee?"

"Yeah 'Sweetums'?" Gamzee asked, smirking.

"Does this mean we're, supposed to kiss eachother?"

Gamzee froze. He hadn't thought of that. This was a great opportunity to get at least a little bit of what he wanted from Tavros. But he tried to look aloof.

"If...that's what it takes for the motherfucker to stay off of your back."

"Oh...okay." Tavros nodded slowly. It looked like he was thinking of something. The glint in his eye almost suggesting that he was...plotting. He went on to talk about presents and Christmas.

"What would you like, Gam?"

"Nah bro, you don't have to motherfucking get me anything. The fact that you're letting me stay over for Christmas is present enough." Gamzee waved his hands, rejecting the thought of Tavros spending money on him. He had done enough already!

"I insist! P-please, let me get you something." Tavros stammered desperately, holding onto Gamzee's arm and looking up at him pitifully.

Gamzee sighed. "Fine. If you really must, I've been itching to get some motherfucking facepaints for ages. My last ones ran out and the motherfuckers at the Institute wouldn't let me get more." Gamzee explained.

"Face paint?"

"Yeah, Tavbro. I wanna join the Cirque du Soleil. Get my motherfucking clown on."

"Hah... Until then, just work on getting, a regular job." Tavros replied. It was difficult to tell what the boy was thinking, whether he approved or was disgusted by the notion. Soon after the two had finished their tea and Tavros said goodbye.

"I'll see you tomorrow, 'honey'." Gamzee winked.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, 'love'." Tavros grinned and blew a kiss, which Gamzee pretended to catch and hold close to his heart.

"Later bro." Gamzee chuckled, and Tavros left with a smile plastered onto his face. He waited until the footsteps of the younger were inaudible before he stood and moved to his bedroom with a mirth and vigor he had not possessed before Tavros had arrived. He decided that he had waited long enough, and that he would get rid of the frustration, or at least reduce it.  
He closed the door behind him, as if he was worried that someone would walk in despite living alone.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he dipped his fingers past his waistband and brushed them over his half erect dick through his boxers. He pushed his jeans down to his thighs, just far enough so that he could pleasure himself without dying of pneumonia in the process. Gently, he eased off his boxers and gripped onto his length, hissing and bucking into his own hand. In his mind's eye it was not he who had a tight grasp on his penis, but Tavros. His Tavros had a daring gleam in his eye as he began to pump his hand up and down. Gamzee's legs quivered as precum made his hand slick and sticky, and he hitched a breath.  
Whenever he imagined Tavros doing something like this to him, he found that he never lasted long. His imaginary Tavros quickened his hand as he whispered small promises and dirty secrets into the pinkish shell of Gamzee's ear, biting it before kissing and sucking a trail down his neck to his collarbone. But Tavros wouldn't do that. Not the real one, anyway.

_Although_, as Gamzee thought in passing,_ it wouldn't be so motherfucking unfortunate if he did._

The hand wrapped around Gamzee quickened to an almost breakneck speed before he finished quite spectacularly into his hand, hissing Tavros' name through gritted teeth. Gamzee flopped down onto the bed, smirking as he stared at the ceiling.

"Can't wait for this party. It's gonna be bitchtits."

* * *

_**A/N: SOBS**_


	9. Chapter Nine: Let's Just Have Tonight

_**A/N: This is the longest chapter yet, at over 3000 words!**_

_**There's some hot stuff at the end...**_

_**And first kiss, whoo!**_

_**Anyway, enjoy!**_

* * *

"You still okay with this?" Gamzee asked, looking at the younger boy beside him, patting him on the shoulder. Tavros looked up at him and grinned, entwining a shy, wavering hand into Gamzee's.

"It's okay, Gamzee. Really." He smiled, letting go to knock on the door. Tavros had a plan.

He had decided that since he couldn't figure out how he felt about Gamzee, he'd do something impulsive to get rid of any frustration that may reside inside of him so that they could be regular friends again.

The door opened and the pair were greeted by a mildly cheerful Dave wearing a Christmas jumper (to which he would probably claim to be 'ironic'), and the usual bustle of a party; chatter, music and cheering, with people dancing, with friends, family or significant others and conversing with people they had only just met.

"Sup."

"Hey there motherfucker. Happy Christmas." Gamzee grinned, wrapping an arm around Tavros' shoulders. Tavros gripped the fabric on the arm resting over him, feeling protected.

"Hi Dave. Merry Christmas." Tavros smiled, scratching his cheek anxiously. Dave nodded, an eyebrow raised, and he opened the door wider.

"Come on in you two." Dave replied, his voice laced with something suspicious, Tavros couldn't put his finger on it. Dave sat down and picked up a very alcoholic drink, bringing it to his lips.

"Sweet." The two of them moved into the room, and ot instantly dawned on Tavros what he felt was wrong. A cheer and giggle went up through the room as they were stopped in the room.

_Mistletoe. Curse you, you Christmas tradition you._

"You gotta do it, guys. Christmas tradition." Dave called, raising the drink above his head.

"Uh-" Gamzee began, before Tavros pulled the fabric and turned to him.

"It's, uhh, fine Gamzee. It's just...pretend, right?" Tavros whispered, inaudible to everyone other than Gamzee, but the blush evident to every party guest and their grandmas.

"If you say so, bro." Gamzee flashed a smile. Tavros could swear that he was secretly pleased, but he dismissed that instantly.  
Not to say that he himself wasn't...

_Brain, now is not, the time for this!_

"Come on, you guys. Or are you just bluffing about this relationship thing?" Dave called.

Not good. If he finds out that we're not, dating, he'll go for me...probably.

They were in too deep now, so they had to go through with it. Tavros pressed his chest to Gamzee's, and a hand to his cheek, and he brought the other's head down so their lips could meet. Gamzee's hand shot up to place itself on the back of Tavros' head.  
Although Gamzee's lips were chapped to high heavens, they were very warm, and pleasant to kiss. Tavros could feel butterflies in his stomach as they parted.

"There." Gamzee's announced breathlessly. "Now where's the motherfucking drinks?"

* * *

Tavros stood in the kitchen, the usual hotspot for people who 'don't do parties'. He held a drink in his hand, some concoction of vodka and juice, after discovering that the apartment held no soft drink of any kind whatsoever. Therefore he had been drinking alcohol for three straight hours, and was starting to feel the effects.

He really wasn't having a good time. Gamzee had started chatting to a hipster kid with a purple streak in his hair, who looked at Tavros with an air of disdain before he absconded into the kitchen.

As of three minutes ago, he was the only one in the kitchen. A fairly sweet, if kind of intoxicated blonde haired female talked to him, giggling at his shy, unsure responses, though not unkindly. She was whisked away by a girl with green eyes, silvery white dyed hair and an English accent, who apologised to Tavros before they left, hand in hand. Tavros sat at the tiny table, staring out of the window as someone opened the door.

"Thup, T.V." Sollux greeted him.

"Hi Sollux. Uhh, what are you doing here? If...if you don't, mind me asking?" Tavros replied, grinning awkwardly.

"I know Dee Eth. Long thtory short, we met in middle thchool." He explained. "Tho what are you doing in here dude?"

"Oh, uh." Tavros laughed. He scratched the back of his head anxiously. "I don't really...do, parties."

_Don't ask about the kiss don't ask about the kiss don't-_

"Tho. That kith. What wath that about, huh?"

_Fuck._

"Oh, uh..." He turned a shade of red and smiled. He wasn't sure whether to go with the plan and say "Yeah, he's my boyfriend" or tell him the truth.

"Tho doeth thith mean you're gay?"

"I don't, really know. To be honest, I haven't really, uhh, thought about it..?"

The door opened again. Dave walked into the room and stood there, an intoxicated blush spread over his nose. "Sup Lispy, Tavros."

"You're tho fucking funny man, I mean oh God, my ribth." Sollux rolled his eyes and replied curtly.

"I'm here all week. So what are you sad sacks doing in here? Come join the party. And Tav?"

Tavros looked up. He wasn't sure if he liked the way Dave was nicknaming him so freely. "Yeah?"

"Gamzee is looking for you. I think he's stoned. "Thollux' " hipster ass boyfriend gave him something, I think."

"E.D. is not my boyfriend! And thtop making fun of my lithp!" Sollux snarled, his elongated canines flashing.

"Whatever bro. " Dave laughed and stepped out of the way as Tavros made his way out of the kitchen to find Gamzee.  
He had never himself taken any sorts of recreational drugs but Rufioh had a tendency to come home stinking of weed; drowsy and overly affectionate ("Come here little bro, I want to feel your fluffy hair ..it's so poofy...w-where...where are you going?") so he knew what the effects were. But he wasn't sure how Gamzee would react to it though, what with his problems.

"Gam? Gamzee?" He called into the party. He could barely see over anyone's head, so he was relying on his friend's height to spot him.  
Friend...  
What even were they at this point? They had kissed. Tavros got the fluttery feeling.  
But it was all pretend, right?

_I should have asked Dave, where he is_, Tavros thought bitterly as he ducked under an arm.

_How big is this apartment?_

It was hopeless. He ended up sat on the couch, head resting on his hand. People passed by, including the blonde girl from before, wondering why he was sat there. He was offered another drink too; one which he gladly accepted and drank like water. It burned his throat like bleach and gave his mouth a weird, lemony taste.

"Honk." A familiar voice audibly grinned above him. Tavros looked up and saw Gamzee leaning on the back of the chair, staring down at him. "What's up, motherfucker?"

"I've been looking for you!" Tavros chided, turning his head to face him. He had a familiar herbal stench attached to his clothes. "You, stink of weed."

"I do? Yeah, my new bro Eridan gave me some. Stuffs full of motherfucking miracles, Tavbro." He sat on the arm of the chair and flopped over, lying on Tavros' lap. "It's so great."

"Gamzee!?" The boy's cheeks flushed as he held his hands up, unsure of where to put them. Gamzee's legs dangled off of the edge of the loveseat and he jiggled his foot a little. His hand caressed Tavros' face gently.

"You're _so_ motherfucking cute, Tav. You know that, right?" He sighed, tugging at his bottom lip and chuckling.

As alcohol pulsed through his veins, he got an idea. His Dutch courage and clouded brain told him that this was the surefire way to get rid of the frustration he had been feeling throughout the month.

"Sit up, Gamzee. Please?" Tavros swallowed, his brows closely knitted together.

_I might as well, take use of this situation._

"Ugh. That requires moving, and this motherfucker wants none a' that." The tall stoned man groaned, nevertheless complying.

"Come here." Tavros ordered, his voice coming out surprisingly clear and determined. Gamzee shuffled over to Tavros, his knees touching the smaller's and his personal space boundaries virtually non-existent. He wrapped an arm around the younger's shoulder and frowned, eyes wide and bloodshot. He was worried.

"Did I do something wrong? Because whatever this motherfucker has done he can fix it, promise." Gamzee rushed, his eyebrows creased with concern and anxiousness.

"You're such an ass." Tavros sighed, and he pulled the other by his hoodie so their lips collided with a painful clack of teeth. Gamzee hesitated as Tavros grunted in encouragement, before shifting the smaller onto his lap, deepening the kiss. He trailed his hand down the Latino's back to let it rest at the base of his spine, fingers poking into the back of his waistband.

_No_, Tavros thought. _I'm, in control here._

Tavros flicked his tongue against Gamzee's bottom lip, requesting entry. Gamzee parted his lips as if to say something, but what he meant to say only came out as a garble of mumbles as Tavros' tongue invaded the area of his mouth, tasting the sweet musk of the marijuana Gamzee was smoking beforehand, with undertones of strong alcohol.

Keenly, the other's tongue fought back, exploring the mouth cavity and each individual tooth.

The two broke away, gasping slightly. The party continued around them, unaffected by their display of affection.

"...Fuck, Tav." Gamzee whispered huskily, and he rested his head in the crook of the boy's neck, hot breath sending shivers down the other's neck. Tavros smiled softly and ran a hand through Gamzee's curly, untamed mane.

"I... like you a lot, Gamzee. But, uhh, I won't remember that I said it tomorrow." He admitted, smiling guiltily. Gamzee moved back to look at him, caressing his face.

"Ain't nothing, love. Let's just enjoy tonight."

Within ten minutes of the drink-induced confession, the two stumbled out of Dave's apartment, not bothering to say goodbye to their host and they clumsily unlocked the door to Gamzee's, giggling and clasping clammy hands, Gamzee stealing a gentle kiss from his companion before they entered the apartment.

Gamzee led Tavros through the dark room, the reflections on their eyes being the only things they could see of eachother.

"I'll, uhh, turn on the lamp." Tavros slurred, referring to the tall lamp standing in the corner of the room. He slipped his hand out of Gamzee's grasp, and stumbled towards where he thought the corner was. "Ow, fuck..." He mumbled as he walked into a wall, making a dull clunking sound barely audible against the pulsing of the music next door. Eventually through feeling his hands against the bumpy wall, he switched on the light and the room was illuminated with a purplish hue from the lamp shade.

"Come here." Gamzee smiled, lust creeping through his bloodshot, cloudy eyes, he sat on the couch and beckoned Tavros over with a curling finger.

Tavros sat next to the other, confidence drained from his previous endeavor. He stared at the older boy beside him and their eyes locked.

_I want to fuck him_, the braver part of his brain announced. Tavros really hoped he only thought it.

Gamzee grinned wolfishly and leaned back on the furniture, pulling Tavros to lie against his horizontal frame. Tavros squeaked a little as he held his hands out on Gamzee's chest to stabilize himself, before shifting so he sat on the other's waist.

The raven haired fellow stared up at the Latino above him, and he slid a hand up his shirt, sitting up and biting Tavros' ear, before whispering huskily into it.  
"And fuck him you shall."

_Oh. So I did say that out loud._

* * *

_Gamzee ==_

As Tavros sat in the kitchen, Gamzee left with his new bro, a hipster called Eridan with ginger hair and a purple streak through it.  
"So, Gam. I'm gonna go havve a smoke, you wwant to join?" Eridan had an odd stutter that made him sound a little pretentious, Gamzee noticed. He opened the door to the bathroom, where two other guests smoked a peculiar kind of cigarette. Eridan ignored them as he opened the window wider and pulled out a bag full of what looked like dried herbs.

"Hey bro, what the motherfuck is that shit?" Gamzee asked curiously, as Eridan rolled a cigarette with some in, twisting the top and flicking on a lighter. He lit it and put it to his lips, inhaling.

Eridan pulled the cigarette away and blew out the bluish smoke, grinning at Gamzee. "You wwant some?" He held it out.

"Are you sure?" Gamzee asked. He hadn't really been educated on the dangers of drugs further than "Don't fucking do it man", so his defenses were down. He took it, inspecting the ash falling into the sink curiously.

"Go ahead."

Gamzee brought it to his lips and inhaled deeply, coughing out smoke and covering his face.

"Wwoah wwhat are you okay?" Eridan raised an eyebrow, rolling himself another. "You havve done this before, right?"

"Huh? Oh yeah man of course. Just...inhaled too motherfucking quickly, you know?" Gamzee coughed again, watching as the two previously in the bathroom laughed at his reaction and left. He took another drag, exhaling the warm smoke from his nose and mouth, grinning. Eridan chuckled and lit up.

In ten minutes Gamzee was stoned and feeling all sorts of miracles. He pulled Eridan into a tight hug, thanking him for his company. He needed to look for Tavros. That kiss from before was actually...really nice. It was overwhelming at the time, so much so that Gamzee needed to leave his side and get a drink so that he wouldn't melt into a lovesick puddle.

_Wait, no, what, this isn't love..._

He downed another drink and set off in a search for Tavros. He found him sitting alone, frowning with his brow furrowed.

_Better go cheer up my bro_, Gamzee thought.

And now here he was, led on his couch with his Tavbro straddling him, his lips next to Tavros' ear. He kissed down Tavros' neck, stopping at the space underneath his jaw. He bit at his friend's flesh, bruising the skin. It turned a deep purpley-red that Gamzee decided he quite liked.  
The purr was emitted from Tavros' throat, suggesting urgency and a need that Gamzee had to fulfill, and his hands glided up Tavros' tanned sides, dragging up the shirt he wore in the process.  
His stomach was surprisingly toned, Gamzee noticed, as he slid his hands behind Tavros' back and graced fingers around his spine.

"Let me take your shirt off, Tavbro." Gamzee whispered, breathing heightened as a line of kisses made their way to his collar.

Tavros retracted and smirked, biting his lip in a way that was so fucking hot to Gamzee. Gamzee rolled off the shirt, removing it slowly enough so that he could admire his companion's fine physique. He pulled it off of Tavros' head and tossed it somewhere. Probably over the couch.

"You're so motherfucking hot..." He breathed, and Tavros laughed low in his throat.

Gamzee pulled him down to his mouth, flicking the other's lip with his tongue, wanting entry.

Tavros opened his mouth greedily, balling his fists up into the fabric of Gamzee's hoodie. Tongues pushed against tongues as the two battled for domination of the space.  
Tavros pushed his hand under Gamzee's clothes, scratching down his smooth chest hard enough to cut the skin with his surprisingly sharp nails.  
Not that he was complaining.

Gamzee quickly pulled off the hoodie, and the shirt he wore underneath and broke the kiss, moving to Tavros' collar and biting down on the area, working to make a bruise. Tavros gasped and grabbed Gamzee's hair by the fistful, his chin tipping to point at the ceiling. When finished, he licked a stripe up Tavros' neck, biting his ear by the lobe, a little less than tenderly. Tavros ground his hips slightly, apparently aroused by the display of pain.

_Kinky little motherfucker._

Gamzee slid his hands down Tavros' bare back and cupped the boy's behind, smirking as a squeeze earns him another grind of the hips.

_Stop_, the voice of reason came out clear.

_What? Why the fuck should I?_ Gamzee challenged his mind.

_Because one, you won't remember by morning when you wake up. Two, chances are he's a virgin. Don't you think he'd want to remember his first time? Three, you might hurt him, if the meds wear off and you get...weird. And four, how will you explain the nudity if neither of you can remember fucking?_

Gamzee frowned and shifted, sitting up. The almighty voice of reason was right again.  
Tavros looked at him, eyes filled with a mixture of lust, confusion and disappointment.

"Gamzee? What's wrong?" Tavros cupped his face and looked at him with chocolate brown eyes. Gamzee rested his forehead against Tavros' and sighed.

"...I think we should just all up and get our hug on, Tavbro." Gamzee grinned, moving so Tavros sat with him, inbetween his legs.

Tavros turned back and nodded. "Okay." He whispered, the disappointment in his voice draining as Gamzee placed a sweet kiss on the others lips. Tavros leaned against Gamzee's chest and closed his eyes, and Gamzee did the same, mumbling an old lullaby from the old country to his Tavbro. The same one his mother sang to him all those years ago before she died.

_"Dormi, dormi, ninna, nanna, dormi mio bambino bello..."_

Tavros smiled with closed eyes and replied in Spanish,

_"...a la puerta del cielo, esperar a que se me..."_

And they both drifted off, the aching of longing in their chests ever present.


	10. Chapter Ten: I Scared You

**A/N: I would have posted this earlier, but I went to MCM Expo in London over the weekend so**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Tavros ==

At around six in the morning, Tavros rolled off of the couch and hit the floor with a dull clunk. The sky was dark and it cast a pale light over the room, illuminating the scarcely furnished living room that he had fallen asleep in. He looked around groggily, his head pounding. He winced as he turned his head, earning a razor of pain slicing through his brain.

_Fuck alcohol._

He led down on the floorboards and sighed, noticing the cold feeling against his back. He sat up again, rubbing his spine when-  
His shirt.  
Where was his shirt?  
Tavros looked around frantically for it, trying to stand before he flopped down again, making another clattering.

"Dammit..." Tavros hissed, holding his head and curling into a fetal position. He had forgotten to take off his prosthetics, so they were stiff against his kneecaps.  
Groaning, he opened his eyes, sat up, and registered where he actually was.  
Gamzee's apartment. He shivered and rubbed his arms in an attempt to warm himself up.

_It's so, cold._

Tavros stood with difficulty and made his way towards the window, being careful not to wake Gamzee. From what he told Tavros, he wasn't very agreeable when he first woke up, especially if he was made to stir unwillingly. He looked out of the window. Snow fell thickly down and coated the floor, a constant torrent of white against the grey pavement.

He breathed out a foggy breath and drew on the window pane, so absorbed in the calming tranquility of the driving snow that he hardly noticed a rustling from the couch behind him. It was only when he noticed a hostile growl and a hand clamped on his shoulder that he snapped out of his trance and turned.

"What the motherfuck do you think you're doing?" Gamzee asked coldly, his eyes flat and predatory. His grip tightened and Tavros winced.

"G-gamzee, you're hurting me..." Tavros flinched as Gamzee smirked, canines glinting. He lifted Tavros' chin up roughly, forcing him to look into his eyes.

"So what if I motherfucking am? Suck it the fuck up." His eyes were wide and terrifying.

_His... meds, they've worn off_, Tavros realised in horror.

"Gamzee, you're not yourself..."

The crazed man finally released Tavros from his grasp and stepped away, waltzing around the room in some kind of odd dance-macabre, a deranged smile plastered on his face.

"The thing is, Tavros, this is the genuine fucking article, brother! Ain't never gonna get more self-y than this." He laughed maniacally. Tavros shivered, disliking the way Gamzee called him "Tavros" rather than "Tavbro" or "Tavvy". If this was the real him, did this mean the Gamzee he knew was just a false charade created by the medication he took?  
He noticed that Gamzee too had his shirt off- his figure was slim yet sculpted, and he had gouges running down his chest, dried blood clinging to the skin. Tavros blushed deeply at the image, curious to find out what could have made those scratches. And why they both lacked shirts in the first place, since every time he tried to remember what happened last night, his head hurt.

_You're steering away, from the point! Just calm Gamzee down, or something!_

"T-that..." Tavros swallowed dryly and coughed, looking slightly more confident (even though inside he was near tears because of how scared he was). "That may be true. However, you need to calm down!"

"I'm totally motherfucking calm, brother!" Gamzee moved closer to Tavros, gripping his upper arms. "It's you who ain't all up and chilling. Why don't you just calm the FUCK down?" His grip was hard enough to bruise, He was sure, but Tavros stayed motionless, trying with all his might so he didn't show the pain he was in. From the corner of his eye, Tavros swore he could see the flash of scars and slices going up Gamzee's arm. But, it must have been the light, because the way his friend's arms were held meant he couldn't see the inside wrists. Besides, there were bigger things to worry about right now.

"Gamzee. Take your meds. Please." His voice barely shook. In any other case, Tavros would be really pleased, but this wasn't 'any other case'.

"THAT poison!?" Gamzee pushed Tavros against the wall, his chest flush against the smaller's. His hand moved to grip Tavros' mohawk tightly and painfully. "You're motherfucking one of them! You're tryna' get me! The voices told me that. And they don't fucking like you very much!" He hissed, the words laced with malice.

"No..." Tavros whispered, fists balled up and kept to his waist. He wanted to badly to calm Gamzee down, but he wasn't sure if it would do so, or just make him tear Tavros to shreds and piss on the remains. "I'm not trying to, 'get you'."

"Oh? Then WHAT, motherfucker. _Do_ enlighten me." The sneer turned into a smirk as he put his head level with Tavros, his pupils dilated fully.

"I'm your_ friend_." Tavros stared stubbornly into Gamzee's eyes.

A laugh. "I don't fucking need friends. Especially not runts like_ you_." Gamzee let go of his hair and stood with his arms by his side.

Tavros fought the tears forming in his eyes.

_He doesn't mean it, Tavros. He doesn't mean it._

"Yes you, do." Tavros sniffed, pulling Gamzee towards him into a hug. Gamzee tensed, hands gripping onto Tavros's arms hard enough to break skin.  
Eventually though, his arms grew limp, reaching instead to wrap around Tavros' back, face lowering to bury itself in Tavros' soft hair.

"I'm so sorry, Tavbro." Gamzee whispered into his mohawk, and it took Tavros a few moments to figure out that Gamzee was crying. "I all up and motherfucking scared you, didn't I?"

Tavros said nothing, but started to sob quietly into Gamzee's chest.  
It was true; he was so, so scared. His arms were burning and bruised, and his heart filled with the sensation of fading dread and remaining anxiousness.

"I'm so sorry..." Gamzee repeated.

The two moved and stayed on the couch together, Tavros curled up against Gamzee's chest, and Gamzee's arms wrapped around his friend's protectively. Ironic, seeing as that the only one who was a danger to his Tavbro was himself.

* * *

A knock on the door woke the two from their slumber, a groan emitting from the pair. Tavros' eyes flickered open, squinting at the brightness of the room. His headache was still very much there, although it was considerably less-pronounced than before. He moved to get up but a pair of pale arms wrapped around his torso and held on tight.  
"No, you're warm, Tavbro. Stay here." Gamzee mumbled, sighing into the smaller's back. Tavros jumped, the contact surprising him, although the possibility of doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day was appealing to say the least. He glanced at Gamzee, pulling away, and noticed the usual half-lidded, soporific quality to his eyes.

_He must have taken his medication, while I was asleep._

Gamzee whined a little as his main source of heat was taken away. "Come _ooon..._"

"No, uhh, there's someone at the door." Tavros explained, pushing Gamzee's pawing hands away and laughing.

"No, mine!" Gamzee protested.  
The two giggled as Tavros half-heartedly fought Gamzee's grasping arms away.

"Any time would be totally great." A deadpan voice called from the other side of the door. "Are you guys fucking in there, or what?"  
It was Dave.

Tavros' face burned as he located his shirt and pulled it on, moving towards the door. He opened it, smoothing down his disheveled hair and coughing anxiously. "U-uhh, hi Dave. Can I help you?"  
The blonde's eyebrow shot up as he glanced at Tavros, or more particularly, his neck. A flicker of a grin was seen before Dave's face returned to it's stoic state.

"Yeah. Can I talk to Gamzee?" He asked, leaning on the door frame.

"What's up, motherfucker?" Gamzee advanced behind Tavros and supported himself with a hand on the doorframe, still topless and grinning like a fool.  
Dave raised his eyebrows even higher. "Dude, what the fuck is with the goddamn claw marks? Did you get attacked by a freaking raccoon?"

Gamzee looked down and frowned at the shallow gouges in his chest. "They weren't there before." He commented, surprised. "It actually stings a little."

"A raccoon? There aren't any raccoons, in this apartment building." Tavros mumbled thoughtfully and anxiously. "I hope not, anyway..."

Dave ignored him and pressed on, the twitch of a smirk on his lips again. "Or maybe you two were having some fun last night? We all saw you playing tonsil hockey on the loveseat. Tav looked pretty eager. You never know, maybe he's a feisty bastard in bed?"

Tavros' face went red and he fidgeted, flustered.

_What!?_

Gamzee's mouth formed into a straight line. "You came over to motherfucking tell us something?"

"Oh." Dave remembered, although he seemed disappointed that his fun had ended already. "Yeah, can you not smoke in my bathroom? There's a bunch of fucking burns in the sink so I'd appreciate if you could not do that. Thanks."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry man, but I wasn't the only motherfucker smoking that shit in there. You should tell that Hipster guy to stop too." Gamzee held on to the door and frowned at Dave. Dave looked on in what Tavros could only assume was an assertive look on his face.

"Okay. Later." He turned and left the hallway, opening the door to hos apartment and stepping through. Faintly the pair could hear a loud bang and a scream of "Fucking Smuppets!", followed by the laughter of another male, whom Tavros could only assume was Dave's brother from the other side of the wall.

Tavros gave a nervous titter as he looked at Gamzee. Or more specifically, his chest. "Does it hurt?"

Gamzee shook his head and grinned. "Nah, bro. Just stings like a bitch."

"I'll put bandaids on them, then. I don't want them, to get infected." Tavros led Gamzee to the couch and sat him down, moving then to the kitchen where he knew a medical box was kept. He returned, smiling, and he pulled out a roll of colourful bandaids. As he looked for the anticeptic, he dwelled on what he thought he might have seen on Gamzee's wrists. Although none of the cuts looked recent, it was worrying how many there were. Gamzee didn't seem like someone who would succumb to depression, although he also didn't look like the type of person who would be so considerate of another human being, which he so obviously was. He located the antiseptic wipes and closed the box, placing it on the floor beside them.

"You don't have to do this, Tavbro." Gamzee assured him sternly.

"I want to."

"Oh." Was all Gamzee said as Tavros got to work on his chest. He wiped an antiseptic pad on the broken skin and hummed.

Gamzee shifted uncomfortably as the wipe made contact with his chest, his gaze lingering curiously on Tavros' neck.

Why is everyone doing that, Tavros wondered as he concentrated. His gaze shifted briefly to the other's arms,which were pinned tightly to his sides, the insides virtually impossible to see.

_That can't be comfortable..._

Tavros pushed the thoughts out of his head and concentrated more on the task at hand, humming a song that was stuck in his head.

"What's that you're humming?"

"Huh? Oh...uh, I think it's from a lullaby? I heard it before, but I don't know where from. Why?" Tavros stuck his tongue out as he cleaned the small wounds absent mindedly.

"Uh, just heard it before, is all. My mom used to sing it to me. It's an Italian lullaby." Gamzee looked at Tavros carefully as he worked.

"Really? How's it go?" Tavros stopped and sat back, trying to figure out where he put the bandaids.

"You really sure you want to hear me sing, Tav?" Gamzee chuckled. "It's kind of embarrassing, I haven't even done any vocal exercise..."

"Don't be patronising." Tavros chided, looking under the coffee table.

_Ah, there they are._

"I'm not!" Gamzee protested.

Tavros put a few bandaids on the cuts and smoothed his hand over his handiwork. He looked at Gamzee, mock pleadingly.

"Come on. Please?" He put emphasis on the 'ea'.

"If you insist. It goes 'Dormi, dormi, ninna, nanna'..."

Tavros shivered visibly. It was like he had heard it before, and it was attached to a memory that was so amazing and intense. The fact that he couldn't remember it aggrivated him. His cheeks turned pillar box red as he thought of what could be so "intense'.

_Why is that so familiar? Why am I, blushing!?_

Gamzee stopped and looked at Tavros. "What?"

"I, uhh, have to go. Thank you for having me, but Rufioh will really wonder where I am!" Tavros stood and stumbled, sitting to pull his shoes onto his feet hastily and walking swiftly to the door. "I'll, uhh, see you, Gam!"

"Oh...bye." Gamzee replied, looking downtrodden. Tavros shut the door behind him and made off down the hallway, getting in the elevator and exhaling. It had only just occurred to him that he had forgotten his coat. But he couldn't go back up there! Not after that hasty exit.

* * *

Instead he rushed home, ignoring the snow clinging to his hair and the ice settling on his clothes and skin. The snow fall had subsided a little; although it was still frightfully cold without a coat.  
By the time he arrived home, he was sopping wet and shaking like a leaf. He quietly opened the door and listened closely. He could hear mumbling and chuckles sounding from the living room.

_Maybe he has a friend over._

Although, to be honest Tavros could care less about how his brother was spending his leisure at this point in time. His head still pounded dully from the recesses of his brain, reminding him of the excessive intake of alcohol from before.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again; fuck alcohol." Tavros muttered bitterly. Almost instantly someone shuffled in the parlor and the door opened. There stood his brother, leant against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest and a disapproving look in his eyes.

"Ah, so the prodigal son returns." Rufioh's eyebrow raised, amusement clinging to his dark eyes. Tavros grinned pathetically, raising a hand in greeting.

"Hey, Ruf." He chuckled, ignoring the persistent pain in his lower cortex.

"Where's your coat?" Rufioh asked Tavros. The younger rolled his eyes in distain and ran a hand through his sopping wet hair.

"At, uhh..." Tavros began, halting before he finished. He knew that Rufioh would have something patronizing to say about whatever he said, so he might as well tell him the truth. "...Gamzee's."

"And, why haven't you got it?"

_It's like Twenty Questions in here._

"...I don't, want to talk about it." With that Rufioh's eyes lit up with glee, and he smirked, opening his mouth to say something.

"Who is outside, Rufioh?" A distinctively male voice called from the parlor.

"My brother. The genius forgot his coat at his boyfriend's so he's drenched to his skin."

Tavros felt his cheeks grow warm as he denied his brother's claims. "He's not, my boyfriend!"

The man in the living room chuckled lowly and footsteps made their way to the doorway. Behind his brother stood a tall gentleman of something between Greek and Egyptian descent, with his hair tied in a ponytail and his well-toned arms crossed over his chest. Tavros could have sworn he looked familiar.

"You must be Tavros." The man mused, his voice soft and reserved, his eyes staring at you kindly.

_Sleep sounds so good, right now._

"Uhh, yeah. I guess you're Rufioh's..."

"He's my boyfriend. Horuss, meet Tav." Rufioh briefly introduced the two.

"Oh, um, nice to meet you Horuss..." Tavros grinned nervously, unsure of whether to shake his hand or not. Horuss' face cracked into a bright, pleasant smile and Tavros changed his mind; He wasn't so familiar after all.

"The pleasure is all mine. Shouldn't you go to bed?" The tall man asked. Tavros looked at him, bewildered.

"Huh?"

"You're shivering and shaking like a leaf- If you're not careful, you could develop a fever." Horuss commented, concerned. Rufioh nodded in agreement.

"Take a shower and then sleep, okay?"

"Sure, whatever." Tavros sighed, not even listening. He practically crawled up the stairs and into his room, peeling off his clothes and bundling up in bed, forgetting about having a shower as soon as his head hit the pillow, and he soon dozed off.


	11. Chapter Eleven: You Too

**A/N: Bad author, worst updater!**

**I'm so sorry, guys! I keep forgetting to post this. But, yeah, this was kind of a difficult chapter to write for me, idk. **

**Pretty soon I should be posting a new oneshot in that oneshot thingy I'm writing, as well as one or two new stories on Archive Of Our Own. I go by the same name there, so it'll be easy to find me, if you want to read those stories (I hope you do, I'd be really happy)**

**But, you know. I'm so glad you guys are liking this so far! I honestly cannot believe that I have such lovely fans of the story c:**

* * *

_amzee ==_

It was the day after Tavros had absconded in a hurry and the young man sat, fully dressed and his dark hair damp and clingy from the shower, in his bedroom. He looked around the bare space and his eyes locked on the instrument in the corner of the room.

It was high time his guitar was played again, Gamzee decided. He picked up the dusty instrument and slung it on his back from the strap, a smile filled with nostalgia spread across his face.

It was a birthday present from the brother that he hadn't seen in about six years. It was sent to the institute on his 13th birthday, along with a letter that he kept in the guitar case. He fished it out and flipped open the yellowing, dog eared letter.

_'Dear Gamzee,_

_Happy birthday._  
_I'm sorry. I really am. But I can't see you for a while. _  
_You haven't seen me since 'that day', right? I miss you, little brother. And of course, I do still love you a lot. The only thing is that I'm not going to be able to speak to you ever again._  
_I'll still write, of course._  
_But I think that your seeing me will scare you. I don't look so good._

_Enough of that. Happy Birthday! I saved up for a while to get you this, so you better put it to good use and learn how to play. I think you've got a natural talent for creative shit like this. You're great at drawing and cooking (Almost as good as me ;o) ) so I can guarantee that you'll be just as fantastic at this, too._

_Be strong, kid._  
_And ignore the voices in your head. They don't know anything._

_Love Kurloz (Honk)'_

He grinned sadly and refolded the letter, dropping it on the table. Gamzee sat on the couch and rested the body of the guitar on his knee, plucking a string. He winced as the string gave off a sour, odd note and he sighed, adjusting the tautness of the six strings. Once he thought that it was suitably tuned, he grinned and strummed a G, smiling at the pleasant sound.

"Motherfucking sweet." He chuckled, starting to play 'Moonlight Sonata'. It was, of course, a piano piece but the way it sounded on the guitar was nice. He quickly switched to the faster paced 'Spanish Romance', his grin melting into a peaceful smile as he danced his fingers along the instrument.

"I missed you, girl." He mumbled encouragingly to the guitar. The chords melded in together perfectly and Gamzee felt himself drift away into the music. It, other than his Tavbro, was the only thing that stopped him from wanting to do...bad things, to himself. Like cut his own wrists or the backs of his legs. He never went deep enough to kill himself, but at times he would be found on the floor of his room by the Institution's staff, passed out in a pool of his own rich red blood and still grinning, a razor gripped in one of his hands.

But now he didn't have a reason to do so- more like a reason to carry on living.

Gamzee stopped playing and frowned.  
What did he do to make Tavros leave in such a hurry?  
He even forgot his coat...  
And Gamzee couldn't return it because he didn't know where Tavros lived. He made a face and began to play again.

A few minutes later, his cell phone started to ring. Gamzee was given a mediocre looking mobile by the ward he stayed in in case anything happened should they need to call him, or visa versa. He had wasted no time in giving his number out to Tavros and Karkat, pretty much the only two numbers in his phonebook, with exception to the institute.

His finger slipped on a string and he stopped playing, losing all urges to play, and he glanced over at the object chiming on the coffee table. Gamzee reached for it and flipped it open, bringing it to his ear.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Gamzee, its Rufioh, Tav's brother? Tavros has got a fever, because he left yours without his coat." A deeper voice replied, laced with annoyance.

Gamzee frowned. "How did you get my number, bro?"

"I found it on Tavros' cell. That's not important. He wants to see you."

"He does?" Gamzee asked, surprised. He stood from his couch and furrowed his brow. "So should I come over?"

"...Yeah, fine. Whatever." He made the impression that he wanted to say more, but the older Nitram simply told Gamzee the address and how to get there, and rang off. Gamzee pushed the phone into his pocket, scribbled down the address, and dried his hair, smirking half heartedly at the puffball his tangled mane had become. Within five minutes Gamzee was out the door, grabbing a coat and Tavros' jacket, and locking the door behind him. He waved a good morning to Dave, who was picking up the post (In a totally ironic way) and started off down the corridor.

The air wasn't as cold as it had been yesterday, Gamzee noticed, as he exit the apartment complex. He hadn't been out of the building in what seemed like forever, and he appreciated the crispness of the air as he inhaled it deeply. He turned the corner, kicking the melting, slushy snow. It was supposed to snow even more in the coming week, and Gamzee hoped that Tavros could get better in time so they could play in the snow. But he needed to worry about him at that moment, and make sure he got better.  
Ten minutes of fast-paced walking later he arrived on the street that he was directed to by a very kind passerby, and he walked down it, looking at each house number for Tavros'.  
Twenty seven, twenty nine...Thirty one!" Gamzee said to himself triumphantly, walking down the path that was gritted heavily with salt rocks.  
He knocked at the door, rapping his knuckles on the surface and waited as he stuck his hands in his pockets. The door opened. Tavros' brother opened the door, his mouth a straight line.

"Hello Gamzee." He greeted Gamzee with the same solemn expression and Gamzee frowned. It felt like he was at a funeral or something. And funerals and mentally challenged asylum patients weren't really a good mix.  
At least not in Gamzee's case.

"Hey motherfucker, how's Tav?" He replied, smiling as reservedly as he deemed possible.

"He's ill. Come in." Rufioh gave him a pointed, sharp look and stood aside to let him in. Gamzee swore he saw a trace of resentment in the older brother's eyes as he moved into the house, but he pushed it aside.

"Hey, so I take it he's upstairs-!" As soon as the door shut Rufioh pushed him against a wall, hand at his neck and choking off his sentence.

"Listen here, you little shit. What the fuck are those marks on Tav's arms, huh?" Rufioh glared up at him with narrowed eyes filled with anger and spite. He was slightly shorter than Gamzee, but he was probably twice as strong and could probably break his neck if he felt like it.

"I can explain-" Gamzee spluttered, attempting to pull the older Nitram's hand off of his neck.

"Oh yeah? Did a cat do it, maybe? Do enlighten me." Rufioh loosened his grip slightly and Gamzee almost sighed in relief.

"I did do it, but-"

"But what?"

"But I didn't all up and mean to! Tavbro is really special to me. I really fucking like him. He's special." Gamzee smiled, his face absent of the grin normally on his face. "It was, like, a momentary lapse or some shit, I hadn't taken my meds! I would never do that on purpose."

Rufioh's grip subsided- he looked like he believed Gamzee.

Eventually he let go of the taller's neck and turned away.  
"He's upstairs, on the left. Don't do anything stupid. And if you dare do anything like that again, I'll see to it myself that you suffer for it." With that, the older brother left.

"Uh, no problem..." Gamzee replied apprehensively, and he started to climb the stairs, glancing at the family photos framed on the walls. He stopped to admire them for a moment.  
A lot of them were of Tavros and his brother, as well as some of a man Gamzee guessed was their father. In one that caught Gamzee's eye, Tavros was about six, and was sat by the Christmas tree with Rufioh. He was a little chubby (puppy fat, Gamzee reasoned) and his cheeks were pink. He had a huge bright smile on his face, something Gamzee had never seen on Tavros.

_What made him stop smiling like that?_

Gamzee noticed that there were no recent photos of him. The oldest he seemed to be in photos was about ten. He shook his head and carried on up the stairs, turning to Tavros' room. He knocked on the door and waited.

"...Is that you, Gamzee?" A weak voice came from the room.

"Yeah, Tavbro, it's me." Gamzee replied. "Can I come in?"

"Of," A cough interrupted the younger one's speech. "Of course."

Gamzee pushed the door open and looked about Tavros' room. Inside the moderately sized space it was littered with all sorts of wonderful nerdy memorabilia that was more or less lost on Gamzee. In the corner of the room lay an average sized television, and plugged into it was a Game Cube and an XBox. To the left of the door was a bookcase, stuffed to bursting with books, from fairytales to textbooks. Posters covered the walls, fairytale creatures with colourful backgrounds and beautiful clothes. Tavros lay in his bed, a hand covering his forehead and a frown on his face. Pillows were bundles all around his legs, possibly to warm him up.

"Hey there, bro. How's my little motherfucker holding up?" Gamzee asked carefully, sitting gingerly on the side of the bed, far enough from Tavros that he didn't feel constricted but close enough so that it showed he cared.

"Oh, uhh, not so well? But, I'll be fine..." Tavros tried to move up into a sitting position but flopped down in defeat as he gave up. Gamzee looked on him poorly concealed concern.

"I'll all up and make sure of it. Did you want help up?"

"I-if you could..." Tavros asked weakly, smiling pathetically.  
Gamzee moved closer and slid a hand behind Tavros' back. Even through the t-shirt he wore, Gamzee could feel the heat radiating off of his friends back. He placed another hand on Tavros' stomach and pulled him up, removing that one when he was certain that his friend would be alright.

"How's that?" He asked, placing his other hand on Tavros' shoulder. He smiled when the smaller nodded silently. "Miracles. You're really hot, motherfucker."

Tavros twitched and looked up at him in surprise, to which Gamzee raised an eyebrow.

"Ex...excuse me? What?" Tavros stammered, stiffening his arms under Gamzee's touch.

"I mean," Gamzee began, frowning in mild confusion. "That you're really warm. Maybe we should try to cool you the motherfuck down."

"Oh... Well, c-contrary to your belief, I'm very content with my body temperature, so thanks, but no thanks."

Gamzee made a face and shrugged. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"You can stay here, and keep me company. If you want to, that is."

"That's fine, sure." He grinned a little. "Uh, Tavbro?"

"Yeah, Gamzee?"

"Did I do something wrong yesterday? I mean, if you all up and motherfucking left in such a hurry, I must have done something wrong. Right?"

Tavros shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows. "No, no you didn't. It's just, uhh..."

"Just?" Gamzee raised an eyebrow again. "Just what?"

Tavros sighed, looking at his friend with his brown eyes. "What are those marks?"

"Marks. What marks?"

"The ones on your arms, Gamzee! Are you trying to," A cough. "Trying to kill yourself?"

Gamzee's face dropped and subconsiously he tugged his sleeves down. "I'd rather not talk about that, motherfucker."

"Why not!?" Tavros gritted his teeth, balling his fists up. "Am I right in assuming you do, then?"

"You don't understand! How would you feel, living with those motherfucking voices in your head, telling you to hurt people, and saying you ain't worth shit!? I bet you wouldn't last a fucking second, bro! You don't know what it's like, being different." Gamzee looked at the boy sat in bed, burning anger voiding into anguish as tears started to leak. "You don't know what it's like, wanting to be normal."

"...I'm not normal."

"Yeah you are! Sure, you ain't got much motherfucking confidence, but you got a brother who loves you, and friends who care about you, and-"

"I haven't got legs." Tavros interrupted, looking at his lap. Gamzee's brow furrowed in confusion.

_What._

"Excuse me?"

"I haven't got any _fucking_ legs."

"I don't know what sort of motherfucking joke this is, man. But I'm failing to see the punchline."

"Get off the bed and I'll show you."

"Really?" Gamzee replied apprehensively.

"Yeah." Tavros insisted, watching at the taller male stood reluctantly. "Just...don't think less of me, for it." With that, Tavros swung his legs to the side of the bed. Or, rather, his lack of them. His legs stopped just below the knee, ending at stumps above the shins. He pushed the shorts he wore up a little to reveal the scarred tissue around his knees. "I, uhh, I wear prosthetics? I got them just before summer. They're still pretty difficult, to walk in."

"Bro, you're..."

" I'm...sorry I didn't tell you. I'm a freak, I know."

Gamzee dropped to his knees and pulled Tavros into a hug, gripping the boy tightly and burying his head into the others neck. "No, no you're not, bro. You're the most perfect thing I've ever seen."

Tavros wound his arms around Gamzee's neck, resting his chin on top of his head. "You too."


End file.
